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Description:

Page 733 – A New Horse

Author: ChrisTheS

Guest Author’s Note: "This eclectic cast are the not-exactly-heroes of my own comic, Star Mares, a ponified original Star Wars trilogy told from the perspective of a random assortment of background ponies.

"I figured that ’bizarre collection of individuals blundering their way through the edges of canon’ translates pretty well to ’the players made their characters without consideration for party balance and especially for what the GM actually planned to run’ (which, frankly, is every campaign I’ve ever run or played in a nutshell).

"While the characters in question weren’t specifically intended to reflect the Mane Six like this, I tried to match them as well as I could to these players’ style.

"If you’d like to see where everything goes from here (albeit just as a regular story, rather than Darths and Droids with ponies) you can find it at christhes.deviantart.com/art/Star-Mares-1-1-Cover-558205382 (>>1510989) – as of this writing, the entirety of Episode IV has been completed, with more to come."

Transcript:
STAR MARES
FRIENDSHIP IS KRAYT DRAGONS
DM: I have ot admit, sci-fi is kind of a strange direction to take this game, but since you all wanted to try it I’ll do my best to deliver. So into the far future of Equestria you go. You all have your new characters?
Twilight Sparkle: I think we all went in some pretty different directions this time, don’t you?
DM: We’ll see. So we’ve got… ’Cookiecutter,’ earth pony brawny rogue—
Cookiecutter (Twilight Sparkle): I thought I’d try a melee character for a change.
DM: —whose cutie mark is a… shield belt? Please tell me you don’t expect me to give you +3 to AC for that.
Cookiecutter: Of course not. I was hoping you’d just let me flavor my heavy shield as a saddle instead—
DM: Fine, fine. As mechanical benefits go that’s pretty tame anyway. OK. Now we have… ’Spring Clean,’ earth pony trickster rogue… two earth pony rogues?
Spring Clean (Pinkie Pie): I have a concept. I thought it would be funny if she was actually a hoarder who just kept picking things up that she liked, especially shiny or valuable ones—
DM: You’re lucky I don’t make you count encumbrance. And your cutie mark is… what is this?
Spring Clean: A circle of lucky charm marshmallows. Representing that I’ve always got something on hand for every occasion. I think I’m going to be like a collector, with a special eye for things that might otherwise be useless—
DM: OK, OK, I guess… instead of the normal +3, you never need tools, I suppose? Moving on… ’Wind Whistler,’ pegasus—wait, isn’t this your backup character for the regular game?
Wind Whistler (Applejack): Didn’t have time to build a new one. Been real busy lately.
DM: You guys—
Wind Whistler: Besides, I customized her a bit. You got robots in this future setting, right? I took ’binary computer speech’ as one of my languages, so she can talk to ’em. I figure they probably talk in beeps and whistles, so my whistle cutie mark ought to give me a bonus to hacking, right?
DM: Well, I… you know, sure, why not? I hadn’t worked that out yet, but it makes sense. Next is… ’Monochrome Sprint,’ pegasus ranger—oh come on now.
Monochrome Sprint (Rainbow Dash): What?
DM: Your character pic. You just took Rainbow Dash and desaturated her. And that name…
Monochrome Sprint: So I’m bad at recoloring. You got a problem?
DM: You’ve even got the same cutie mark, only black and white. Please, if you want me to push my boundaries with this adventure, you’ve got to make it interesting for me too. No clones.
Monochrome Sprint/Moontear: Fine. Call her… um… ’Moontear’, and stick her in a badass flight suit. And I’ll think of a new cutie mark later. I can be awesome even without a special talent.
DM: OK… ’Gracenote,’ unicorn bard with a music note as a cutie mark. Oy. It’s like you’re not even trying anymore.
Gracenote (Rarity): Please. You know I’m not some crass power gamer. I deliberately chose the class I thought was least suited for a high-action setting as a challenge. I even shorted my Charisma score so my direct damage powers would be less effective.
DM: Right, right, I’m sorry. Far be it from me to doubt your commitment to roleplaying. But about this cutie mark…
Gracenote: It is a ’grace’ note. I figured that she might have a knack for being in the right place at the right time.
DM: … you’re player characters, you’re always going to be … oh never mind. Last but not least… ’Maple Leaf,’ earth pony bard—what is it with you people and earth ponies? And scoundrel-type classes, for that matter?
Maple Leaf (Fluttershy): Um. Well, Pinkie Pie looked like such a fun character, I thought I might give a try at being a party pony…
DM: … you do realize you need Charisma for a bard, right? Dex isn’t even in the top three.
Maple Leaf: Well… it’s space opera, so we’re going to be shot at a lot, right? I’d like to avoid unnecessary danger if at all possible. And besides, I need a high Dexterity for this party cannon…
DM: It’s an implement, you use your… ok. So, a ragtag group of misfits it is. That’s perfect, actually. All right: "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…"
Moontear: This agian? Oh, by the way, I’m an Imperial pilot.
DM: … I’ll just throw out the notebook now to save time, shall I?
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