You should be honest with her that you don’t want to have children, as this honesty will benefit both of you and her in the end. If this is a turn-off for her, she should know it before you two get together for a long time.
I would say (just like Starry Mind) to have as open a private conversation as possible. By being clear about your beliefs. Explain your feelings and thoughts why you don’t want children and why you lead life the way you do. I think she’ll understand. You will bear the shame of the family, for you will know that you did the right thing in the end. It gives you more than you think. Even in the darkest hours.
This is most likely the best way for me to go about this, and it’s what I think I should work on the most. How I go about it is the tricky part. I need to communicate (first with the girl but eventually my family) my feelings on what I truly think about marriage and having a family.
I’ve come to realize that I really don’t want marriage in order to have a happy life because it would make me feel “trapped” for lack of a better term. I’m already going through enough problems trying to sort things out by myself. To add another person, and kids, to my life, would just complicate things further. I suffer from depression and anxiety and it’s made it difficult for me to financially support myself alone. Sure having someone you love can help with those problems, especially if your partner is very supportive. But I’m the kind of guy who likes doing things on his own, and I feel having to collaborate life with someone would just slow me down, especially if being supported by someone would also mean having to do the supporting for another person, if that makes any sense.
Furthermore, even if I were happy with this person, the fact alone that my family is hovering over it so much to make it happen puts a stain on it. It just makes me feel like I’m doing this just to please others. Living a life just to please others and not yourself only makes you miserable. Even if this girl is my type, I can already foresee so many other factors that show that this isn’t going to work very well. There’s so many expectations I’m already being expected to live up to that come with marrying this girl, including the fact her family lives in a country I rarely ever visit; I would have to visit them from time to time, and I don’t think I’m willing to do that on a yearly basis.
To put it in a nutshell, I just can’t commit to a wife, especially since it comes with a lot of strings attached. I’d much rather have a girlfriend…or maybe just a FWB.
I am an individual person, and I have a right to be who I want to be regardless of what my culture or family says.
The greatest thing that could happen to me is for my family to understand that…
I wish I could find love without my family’s involvement. I actually did that once, but we broke up in the end. My parents use that as evidence that I don’t know how to find love on my own, which bolsters their attempts at matching me with someone. But I’d rather be alone than forced into a rushed hookup.
