Vent thread

1. I’m 37 years old.  
2. I have no friends.  
3. The only family who talks to me is my mother and stepfather (and father, I guess).  
4. I’ve been in one (1) serious relationship in my life that lasted for three (3) months.  
5. I now have no job and a trespass order against me.

@Tragiclady
2. I have no friends.
4. I’ve been in one (1) serious relationship in my life that lasted for three (3) months.

1. 31 here  
2. I have one or two online friends I talk to maybe once a week. My ability to hold a conversation has seriously degraded since 5 years ago.  
3. My little brother and my Dad talk to me. Dad’s pretty cool.  
4. I’ve had one or two 5 year old online friendships that I threw away.  
5. Only job I’m sure I quality for is Walmart Deli Associate, and somebody else probably needs that job to live.
    
   I don’t have any trespass/restraining orders that I’m aware of. One of my highschool friends started ignoring me out of the blue and I couldn’t understand why. That whole chain of events could have gone a lot worse.
    
   The first one or two online girlfriends I had, I went crazy on when we broke up. With my 3rd one, I discarded blacklisted and then forgot about her.

•  
  I really hate that I appear emotionless when I feel sad. I am afraid to show my emotions to other people, but I ruminate on the way conversations go when I talk to people.
   
  Should I have said that? Did they get that I said a joke, or did I seem like an idiot for saying that? Should I make eye contact, and for how long? Did they really mean that when they said it to me, or was it nonliteral?
   
  In the end, I am left swamped in negative emotions and confusing thoughts. I want people to listen to me, but I do not like talking to many people and hate social obligations. I want a psychotherapist, but I analyze my psychotherapist almost as much as he analyzes me, so I feel like he is predictable and I can always seem to find a fault in whatever he says.
   
  I am a living contradiction; I want somebody to listen to me when I cry and not judge me, but I hate it when people see my emotional side. I want to know what I enjoy doing, but I have not found anything that I would want to do for an extended period of time and I hate being obligated to do activities. I am very lazy, but I will pour hours of continuous work into something that interests me. I want to manufacture a device, but I have no desire or drive to create it. (v.v)