So there’s something I feel like I need to explain in detail.
Lately I’ve been wanting to go back to being an anonymous artist again on the basis that everything I try to do as an artist (EG, asking for feedback, explaining my thought processes, etc) has never mattered at all.
As you probably don’t know, I’ve been drawing ever since 2011, but I’ve barely shared anything because due to a recurring problem: every time I share something, I barely get any feedback, if at all. Every time I’ve shared anything, I’ve had to compete with other artists just to get feedback, and nearly every time, I get ignored and don’t receive any feedback.
Because of that, I gave up asking for feedback, that is until I changed art styles.
I opted for an
art style that was sparse on details for two reasons: 1, because there was no way I can ever make something that was more detailed than that, and 2, because no one else was using an art style like that.
Perhaps this was to a fault because it went against what most people wanted: a highly detailed art style. So few and far between were minimalist artists that at times, I felt like I was the only person in the universe who has put so much effort into an art style that goes against what everyone else was doing.
I can only go so far improving an art style in pure isolation, but because every time I asked for help resulted in not getting any help, I felt it was pointless to continue asking for help. It’s incredibly painful not asking for help, but given that I have years of experience telling me that asking for help is a surefire way to not get help, I simply put up with the pain.
On the rare occasions I did get feedback, I kept finding that it wasn’t helpful. Consider the example of being told to use the RYB color model after spending an entire decade using RGB and recently picking up on HSL because it makes shading better. YEAH, NO. At that point, I’ll gladly reject feedback that goes against the strict rules I had set for my art style, because given that I’ve worked alone for so long, what else can I do?
The only reason I started sharing my work here was because I had no other place to share, but given how unreasonable I’ve become and how impossible it is to get help, I had to share my work anonymously. I’ve heard somewhere that appreciators of art will often separate the art from the artist. Then why don’t I actively separate myself from my own art? People don’t need to know who I am; heck, they don’t even care who I am. If all they care about is the art itself, then why do I, as the artist, need to step in?
Again, painful for me because now I’m actively keeping myself away from my own art, but given years of art-based pain, what makes anonposting any different?
The only reason I gave myself an artist name because I felt like I’ve been forced to. The only reason I decided to reveal who I was was because I felt like I was finally comfortable doing so. It’s only after I switched art styles that I’ve felt like coming out of anonymity was a mistake.
Sure, I have
this, but prior to that, my most favorited works were the ones that dated back to when I still had the minimum detail art style. It began to feel like I was competing with other artists for attention because I ended up creating something that was more detailed than what my art style previously supported. In fact, when I switched art styles, I felt I lost the uniqueness I had already built up.
I started to lose momentum as an artist when I first shared
this. That was when I started to think that people only care about about my art, not my wellbeing. I already know how bad my behavior can get when I feel unappreciated, and that’s something I don’t want anyone to know about me, let alone have it be the only thing they know about me.
The only reason I find comfort in going anonymous is because I find it more comfortable than having to deal with being ignored. As much as it hurts to keep myself bottled up from the world, it’s more hurtful to share something only to have no one listen. I’m just not sure if it’s the best course of action.
I’m terribly sorry for talking about this over and over and over again. If you didn’t wanna hear it again, I don’t blame you.