Confessions (Possibly NSFW)

Instead of stressing and worrying about how I’m gonna make ends meet 15 and 20 and 30 years from now etc, I’ve consigned myself to probably not living past 35 if that counts; I’m living for the moment and have stopped caring or stressing above what’s reasonable about the future.
 
…and no longer obsessing about a future, a career, day to day finances, etc, and adopting a come-what-may attitude with less fear of uncertainty, has made me a much happier and less depressed person, so it’s actually a good thing!

I’ll probably have no friends in three or four years because of social anxiety, a terrible childhood that I deserved, bipolar disorder, my controversial beliefs, general toxicity of people on the Internet, and the fact that all my friends are planning to leave permanently.

|| I imagine what it would be like to have sex with Luna a lot. Probably aggressive sex, which I like. ||

I bought myself a bottle of alcohol but never drank it.

@HJSDGCE  
Hey quit hoggin’ all the booze and give sum to me buddeh.

@Agent Luna  
I’m not even supposed to be drinking. I only bought it so that I can experience.

@HJSDGCE  
<- takes antidepressants and still drinks booze.

@Agent Luna  
Alcohol is bad though.

@HJSDGCE  
To me it fixes my emotions temporarily. Problems turn into laughs, with the side effect of being worse the next day or two sometimes. It’s different for everyone though.

@Agent Luna  
For years I thought alcohol was the solution to my problems. I could get drunk on the weekends, every week, and just say “fuck it” to the world. Well all it did was make me angry, bitter, overweight and eventually got me fired. I’ve completely stopped drinking for good – for REAL this time – and I have actual energy to do shit now that I didn’t before. My head is clear and I can think clearly about things. I’ve lost weight, too. The only side effect is now I have to face all of my problems sober, having them appear naked and ugly in my mind, without the softening effect of booze.

i have to face depressions everyday and the bad thing is: I can’t drink alcohol. Instead, i draw to keep my mind busy from thinking of the noose.

I constantly think about my problems 24/7 in a perpetual simulation of numerous possible outcomes, attempts and solutions for the singular purpose of not fucking it up.
 
It may sound like I have OCD, but I don’t. I’m just naturally paranoid.

My confession is that I’m an absolute idiot and didn’t realize until yesterday that I had the option to hide, mouseover, or click-unhide filters on the top right the page on desktop … filters which had been set to off for some reason probably by a long ago misclick and I’d been confused for ages as to why they weren’t working. XD In my defense I usually browse on mobile these days where options are harder to see. Still, how did I not notice this super obvious thing a year ago… it’s embarrassing as hell.

I am extremely prone to paranoid thoughts in public. From presumed threats to mistaken identities.

My greatest weakness is my short memory. It would take me a few months for me to even remember one’s name.

I get lonely quickly. I also get jealous seeing how others are so socially skillful than I.

My biggest problem in music is a lack of experience. I never performed in a big event and just small band sessions. Even though I learned piano/keys for about 5 years, I still have no real experience other than a natural talent
 
I also can’t read sheet music quickly  
I’m just starting out at Jazz, and there are lots of things I should learn more

I’ve always been single and tried not to but it’s always the other person that never likes me.

I don’t sleep in class, but my mind tends to wander during it. This lead to my entire years at school with the same assessment by the teachers;
 
“He’s brilliant, but his head is often in the clouds.”
 
They always notice it when I lose focus, even though I never notice it myself.

I had lots of friends in the internet and social media, but I feel awkward to chat with most of them and don’t know what’s the right topic to talk about. That’s why I rarely discuss via PM/chat/message, only with just a few of them

I like ketchup
 
 
Sorry world

I’ve had a bunch of Skype contacts over several times, but I always remove them since none say anything and I feel they want to rack up contacts for some kind of self-satisfaction. As for PM’s, I feel like I’m being used for boredom-cure rather than general interest.
 
Most people are pretty boring to me. I often wonder where the diversity really is outside the annoying social conformity.

@Agent Luna
 
We got a kind of similar problems
 
In my case it’s Facebook and derpibooru

I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder. I had it under control for a while, but it came back in spades after I moved. If you noticed me becoming more cynical and angry over time and constantly ranting about Starlight Glimmer being the worst thing since sliced Hitler, now you know what happened. Thankfully, I’ve gotten my anxiety back under control and am in better spirits these days.
 
@Pacific Glow  
Why do you believe you deserved a terrible childhood?

@RhodieNite  
holy shit i had the same problem irl