DarkObsidian 
Smiling Panzerfuchs 2.0
[@Kicks24Sf](/forums/dis/topics/possibly-dark-depressionsuicides-within-the-fandom-the-revival?post_id=5204482#post_5204482)
The reasons why I haven't killed myself yet:
- My self-hatred and self-contempt balance with my indelible hatred of the entire world and contempt for those perceived to be weaker.
- I would never give such a kind of pleasure to others, especially not to my enemies.
- I exercise myself in agonizing patience to see the supposedly powerful once fall. Has already happened in the past of the many times.
- I do not even want to know what awaits me on the other side. Valhalla probably not.
- I rather use a life in pity and constant self-humiliation, than to give myself to the supposed protection of the oblivion.
- I would hate it if my suicide would drag others into ruin with me, or traumatize them. What you do not want others to do to you, do not add to others.
- Mine will be the revenge, mine IS the revenge. Everyone who once thought he/she/they had to be good to me out of pure self-interest has regretted it later.
- My hatred is as strong as my love for those who are truly selfless and also wise. Stupidity, on the other hand, is simply a weakness, which even being exploited is punished. I have made that mistake more than once and have only burned both of my hands each time. This lesson should be passed on to at least one person in life so that they are saved from it.
- I see myself as chaotically good rather than righteously evil, so why should I allow a world that rewards those who continually benefit only from the weakness of others to do the same to me? Nope, that wouldn't be fun for me even in all my suffering.
- Have I been given life? Bullshit. Life is pure coincidence. And as coincidental as everything else is, so coincidental is my reaction to the world, the people who live in it, and my respective mood of the day. I would rather surrender to profound arbitrariness than want to be part of some false belief that life is special. I just want to use the time as best I can. And as long as the bodies I walk over are not the ones that are innocent, as long as life is just an endless barrel. An endless succession of pure coincidences. Nothing is predestined. Everything is arbitrary. So is my reaction to me, the world and everything else. So if the world is not coherent, why should I behave differently?
- In my personal arbitrariness, I have decided to stay alive. And if it’s just about me ruining someone else’s existence. It’s not selfish, it’s self-defense. ;-)
The reasons why I haven't killed myself yet:
- My self-hatred and self-contempt balance with my indelible hatred of the entire world and contempt for those perceived to be weaker.
- I would never give such a kind of pleasure to others, especially not to my enemies.
- I exercise myself in agonizing patience to see the supposedly powerful once fall. Has already happened in the past of the many times.
- I do not even want to know what awaits me on the other side. Valhalla probably not.
- I rather use a life in pity and constant self-humiliation, than to give myself to the supposed protection of the oblivion.
- I would hate it if my suicide would drag others into ruin with me, or traumatize them. What you do not want others to do to you, do not add to others.
- Mine will be the revenge, mine IS the revenge. Everyone who once thought he/she/they had to be good to me out of pure self-interest has regretted it later.
- My hatred is as strong as my love for those who are truly selfless and also wise. Stupidity, on the other hand, is simply a weakness, which even being exploited is punished. I have made that mistake more than once and have only burned both of my hands each time. This lesson should be passed on to at least one person in life so that they are saved from it.
- I see myself as chaotically good rather than righteously evil, so why should I allow a world that rewards those who continually benefit only from the weakness of others to do the same to me? Nope, that wouldn't be fun for me even in all my suffering.
- Have I been given life? Bullshit. Life is pure coincidence. And as coincidental as everything else is, so coincidental is my reaction to the world, the people who live in it, and my respective mood of the day. I would rather surrender to profound arbitrariness than want to be part of some false belief that life is special. I just want to use the time as best I can. And as long as the bodies I walk over are not the ones that are innocent, as long as life is just an endless barrel. An endless succession of pure coincidences. Nothing is predestined. Everything is arbitrary. So is my reaction to me, the world and everything else. So if the world is not coherent, why should I behave differently?
- In my personal arbitrariness, I have decided to stay alive. And if it’s just about me ruining someone else’s existence. It’s not selfish, it’s self-defense. ;-)