[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

Scrabbleman
Duck - He literally asked for this
Wallet After Summer Sale -
Friendship, Art, and Magic (2018) - Celebrated Derpibooru's six year anniversary with friends.
Artist -
Birthday Cake - Celebrated MLP's 7th birthday
Friendship, Art, and Magic (2017) - Celebrated Derpibooru's five year anniversary with friends.
The End wasn't The End - Found a new home after the great exodus of 2012

[screams in German]
@Pacific Glow
So you've given up on the presidential election, hate yourself for liking cartoon porn, dislike GMO for some reason unspecified, and depressed because you decided not to use certain sites because malware?

This… is very confusing for me.
Ihhh
Duck - Likes to sockpuppet for drama
Duck - 1104243, just... 1104243
My Little Pony - 1992 Edition

<<<<<
I cannot feel strong emotions anymore, they are always a lot weaker than they used to be.

My memory seems to have gotten worse and I often forget important information.

I do not know how to function in the world on my own, I don't know how to apply for a job, I don't even know how to navagate areas larger than a highschool campus.

And the worst part is that probably none of you will care and will just think I'm being a lazy whiny emo who is begging for pitty and you hate me because of my less than stellar track record despite me not even being that bad compared to some other users who I will not name.

Guess what, I don't give a shit if you pitty me or not, and I am just doing what everyone else in this thread is doing.

Yes I am being defensive, shut the fuck up.

I'm sorry about that, I have emotional issues.
hype
Duck - Few users are as aggravatingly just plain stupid

*breath in* BOI
Life isn't worth living without passion. Depression is stunting my expression of such passion. I'm not upset, it's just inundating.

I feel like I should be better with women because my cock is almost as long as my forearm but I freeze up when things get too hot. I'm very able and surpass the norm on multiple levels though unfocused and unmotivated.

Everything I have ever loved has either disappeared or atrophied, and I'm not sure whether I should praise death or decay.

I don't care about politics, and it's constantly being shoved in my face by people who think they know what they're talking about. They don't know, and I don't know why they think they know. This is mirrored in multiple other aspects of life and I find it funny.

I find it funny that depression pills have warning labels saying they may cause thoughts of suicide. If you're popping shit before that point I think your problem isn't depression. America loves pills. America loves alcohol. America doesn't like liver. This country's funny.

Instead of working on my immobile vehicle I've written this. I don't feel any better, just wasting time.

Still waiting on that white privilege to show up too, that's really dampening my mood more than anything.
GERgta
Thread Starter - [Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)
An Artist Who Rocks - 100+ images under their artist tag
Artist -

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
@Pacific Glow
I think you are in the wrong topic .-.



@Ihhh
(I am just gonna genuinly answer, even tho you have TWO duck-badges. What am I doing.)

That totally sounds like me, too. Just that I… Well, I know how to get a job, somewhat (I just can't for… several confusing reasons…). I often too can't find my way around and forget important stuff. The memory-issues have been getting better, as I am constantly repeat thinking about important stuff to not forget it (if that is for the better is the other question, it just gives me more shit to think about). But it still happens that I forget stuff.

I also can't find around for shit. I always have to ask my friend to pick me up from the bus-stop because I am too stupid to remember the way to his place. And I always put away things like my phone and then I end up searching those things for like 10 minutes or more.

The best way to describe this is that I feel like some lost duck.



@hype
I think you are getting far too distracted by the things around you instead of focusing on your own. I mean, I have NO IDEA how bad it really is in the US, but germany is pretty fucked right now, too. Maybe you should focus on your own things and just let this world destroy itself outside of your mind. That's what I do.



I have not bothered to update my status on here lately, just feeling like this just doesn't help.. [goes on to update status] I am still stuck. Still no job. Had the idea of making THE Minecraft-Server to make some cash, but I can't program for shit in this state.

I will also go on vacation soon.. It was just something random that came up. My grandma just asked me if I wanted to go to my aunt's with her, and I just said "Sure, why not?". If you're a lazy cunt, you might as well go on a free vacation, right?

Just….. I dunno. Stuff has been going worse. And I am just near to giving up completely.. I cry my eyes out almost every day and I just can't do it anymore. Sure, that vacation will get my mind off things, but what then? After the vacation I will still be stuck the same way as before.

I just can't believe that I was a happy child once..
Background Pony #08A8
Anybody else drink a shitload of coffee? Love that stuff, I'd probably have blown my brains out without it.
Scrabbleman
Duck - He literally asked for this
Wallet After Summer Sale -
Friendship, Art, and Magic (2018) - Celebrated Derpibooru's six year anniversary with friends.
Artist -
Birthday Cake - Celebrated MLP's 7th birthday
Friendship, Art, and Magic (2017) - Celebrated Derpibooru's five year anniversary with friends.
The End wasn't The End - Found a new home after the great exodus of 2012

[screams in German]
I haven't posted on this thread about my problems for a while. I mean, I'm in college and unlike a year ago, I'm actually good at it now.

But I'm finally feeling the effects of my lack of social life.

Unlike most kids who are skilled in socialising, I'm not. And I guess it's because of my teen years starting horribly. The moment I became a teenager was also the moment I got shipped to the other side of the country to study among country bumpkins.

OK, that was rude of me but those were the worst years of my life. "The Smartest State" my ass! "Highest percentage of students with passing A's"? HA! What utter shit. I was so naive, thinking I would school among geniuses.

Instead, I got bullied for how different I was, for how strict I was with my study regime, for how liberating my views are in politics and religion, for how weird I act, for how I treasure loyalty so much, FOR EVERYTHING!

I hated there so much, and I still do. It didn't matter if I was the worst or the best, I would always be the weird one and I would always be ostracised by them. My teachers praise me, my parents congratulate me, my friends pat me in the back, but what?

Every pat, every praise, every laugh… It feels so empty. Like, it's not even there. There had been only a handful of teachers that I got close and those I don't, ridiculed me. My parents couldn't give two shits about me getting 7/8 A's. Hell, they didn't even held high expectations on me.

"You got 10 A's?! Wow, I didn't even expect that. I thought you'd get 7 at best."

And my so called "friends"… My true friends were people who stood out just like me. Unlike me, they can actually socialise. Everyone else always held empty words and questionable trust.

"Hey, can I copy your answers? What do you mean I can't? Sheesh, don't be selfish."
"Let's go play football. Oh you don't like football? Well, I guess you can just sit here then."
"Yo, we went to the teacher's house. Sorry we didn't call you."

I wish… I wish I never wasted my life there. I wish I wasn't left so socially broken. I wish I wasn't so afraid of failure. I wish…

I wish I could trust myself more.
Cirrus Light
Economist -
Condensed Milk - State-Approved Compensation
Friendship, Art, and Magic (2018) - Celebrated Derpibooru's six year anniversary with friends.
Helpful Owl - Drew someone's OC for the 2018 Community Collab
Birthday Cake - Celebrated MLP's 7th birthday
Best Artist - Providing quality, Derpibooru-exclusive artwork
Magical Inkwell - Wrote MLP fanfiction consisting of at least around 1.5k words, and has a verified link to the platform of their choice
Not a Llama - Happy April Fools Day!
Friendship, Art, and Magic (2017) - Celebrated Derpibooru's five year anniversary with friends.
An Artist Who Rocks - 100+ images under his artist tag

Sciencepone of Science!
@hype
"but I freeze up when things get too hot"

Then there's most people on here who can't even get to the point where things get hot either because they can't, are too shy to, don't want to, or are too afraid to get that far with one of sexual interest :q




@HJSDGCE
Really? Is that a thing in the south? I always thought that was just me — being more or less aloof from social circles. Not outcast so much as a hermit from the social stuff. Fortunately it somehow worked out for me when I went to college up north, though, in Utah, thanks in large part… No, thanks entirely to ponies!

>Have a hard time making friends
>Be super scared and shy of living on own out in a different state for college
>No brony club at college? Then start one!
>???
>Friendship profit!
hype
Duck - Few users are as aggravatingly just plain stupid

*breath in* BOI
@Cirrus Light
Then that lot wouldn't understand the pressure of being put on the spot, having your heart rate skyrocket, and ultimately choking up.

Honestly all you have to do to attract women is just look attractive (and maybe shove a sock in your pants if you aren't blessed), but most girls will forget about you in ~6 seconds if you dont have a personality to boot. I don't know what you mean by afraid to get that close either, that sounds like you'd have some pretty deep seeded issues bc you can ream someone without it getting too personal
ghostfacekiller39
Duck - Bona fide shitposter - ignore or report

Sunny Day Realtor
I achieved my Visa status here in Germany by taking a job in a funeral home, which is owned by good friends of the people I'm living with. I felt very, very happy by having such a great opportunity fall into my lap — once I become fluent in the language they even plan on sending me to a school in Bavaria so I can study for a bit and then come back and take on an apprenticeship. I'm rather lucky, and the physical aspect of the job itself isn't particularly difficult.

They've been easing me into the more difficult aspect of the work at a reasonable pace, which is of course the material that I'm working with. So far I've only had to deal with older people who had passed away, many of which were born before the end of WWII.

While the toughest work I have to do is help load a bagged corpse into the back of a hearse or help carry a coffin with multiple other people, I don't think I need to explain the more difficult aspect of my job — the stuff I see working it.

The grieving families, the dead bodies — even when I'm just doing something as simple as disposing of old files, I see things I would really have been better off not knowing about. It's part of the job description, and I have no plans to give up on this great opportunity, but it's forced me think about things I've never really wanted to think about.

When I was starting out in high school, I had two great friends. One named Dallas and one named Jonathan, and we called him Jonny. I had been good friends with Jonny since 3rd grade, and I became good friends with Dallas in the 7th grade whenever we got into a fistfight at school over a card game and got punished for it together. We were all 3 pretty close after that. In 8th grade we started finding ways to get cigarettes together, in high school we all started playing sports, and we would get together on the weekend, usually at Dallas' house because it was the best environment for that, being secluded off on a backroad in a different, much smaller town than the one we went to school in and that he lived with his grandma who didn't really bother us very much and left us to our own devices.

We stayed over there on the weekend, played videogames and watched TV, seeing ads for sex hotlines or those commercials that leave a number and calling them and starting shit with them to the point where once a guy who was on the line for a hair care product tracked my phone and threatened to call the police. At school we sat together at lunch, often hopping from table full of students to table full of students together, so forth.

Well, when we were in the 10th grade I met this girl who I thought I really liked. I had a dollar, but I was wearing my baseball workout pants to school that day so I didn't have to change for practice, and those didn't have pockets so I had to fold it up and put it behind my ear. I dropped the dollar and didn't notice it, the girl picked it up for me, and I believed it was like something out of a movie or some shit because I was a fucking retarded high schooler, that it meant more than just somebody picking up a dollar off the ground and giving it back. I wanted to date that girl almost entirely because of that.

I tried talking to her, got her number and we talked from time to time, but we never dated or anything. I took too long or something and I got too close before actually making a move, or she was just flat out disinterested in me, but I started sitting with her at lunch instead of Jonny and Dallas and they started getting mad at me because I was pretty much being a shit friend and putting this girl I was trying to hook up with ahead of them. Some dumb high school drama, and I stopped hanging out with them all together because I was pissed at them for getting pissed at me and whatnot. So, Dallas got diagnosed with cancer.

I never really tried to go back and talk to him after that, I didn't have the balls to try and make up just because he got sick. I justified this in my head with "Well, he'd probably just think I'm pitying him because he's sick. People dying from shit like this only really happens with TV shows, people survive cancer all the time," yadda yadda yadda. I just kept with the girl and tried dating her sooner or later.

It didn't work out when I finally mustered up the confidence to ask her to be my girlfriend, she flat out rejected me with some shit about how she didn't like me like that and only wanted to be friends. A few months after that, my friend actually ended up dying after all.

We had become so distant at that point that there was a special reserved section for his friends at family that Jonny got to sit in but I had to sit with everyone else who just showed up because of the kid dying of cancer in a small town like where we were from. I really fucked up.

Being around dead people has kind of made me think about how I sat away from the people who I used to be really fucking close to. It was almost like he was telling me "Alright, I don't forgive you, you get to live the rest of your life knowing that you fucked up this badly." I mean, the guy I had been friends with for years at that point was just up and dropped by me when he had fucking cancer because I wanted some pussy.

I fucking thought about that from time to time but I never really had the balls to try and face it, but the more funerals I see and the more dead bodies I see the more it just fucks with me. That's not even getting into what kinds of things I actually deal with right in front of me while I'm working.

Is this some kind of middle finger from god or some shit? Some kind of punishment because I've been such a shitty person for so long? Fuck if I know, but I'm tired of being floored. I've fucked up on a grand scale on a couple more occassions than what I talked about here, and my best consolation to myself is that "Hey, at least I feel remorseful about it." But what the fuck is remorse worth when I can't change shit?

I kind of secretly predict that I'll die of cancer myself before I hit 40, and maybe that'd just be what I have coming to me.
Cirrus Light
Economist -
Condensed Milk - State-Approved Compensation
Friendship, Art, and Magic (2018) - Celebrated Derpibooru's six year anniversary with friends.
Helpful Owl - Drew someone's OC for the 2018 Community Collab
Birthday Cake - Celebrated MLP's 7th birthday
Best Artist - Providing quality, Derpibooru-exclusive artwork
Magical Inkwell - Wrote MLP fanfiction consisting of at least around 1.5k words, and has a verified link to the platform of their choice
Not a Llama - Happy April Fools Day!
Friendship, Art, and Magic (2017) - Celebrated Derpibooru's five year anniversary with friends.
An Artist Who Rocks - 100+ images under his artist tag

Sciencepone of Science!
@ghostfacekiller39

One day you'll be mad at me for not trying harder to tell you about Jesus and His forgiveness and stuff. But I'm tired. I'm tired and I wish I was better but all I can do is try and I can only do so much. I know where you can find what you're looking for. I can tell you I know it but you won't see it until you live it, but when you live it you'll see it, but you have to live it first.

I've just known so many people in situations much like yours — carrying so many regrets, and people who've done far worse and been in deep — and I've seen them relieved of it — freed from it. Freedom from it is what it's about. At worst, you stay where you are, but at best everything radically changes for the better. I hope that for you, so despite fears of futility, I suppose I'm in much the same situation; nothing to lose but an awful lot to gain. So here it is.

Hope you figure it out one way or another.
Cirrus Light
Economist -
Condensed Milk - State-Approved Compensation
Friendship, Art, and Magic (2018) - Celebrated Derpibooru's six year anniversary with friends.
Helpful Owl - Drew someone's OC for the 2018 Community Collab
Birthday Cake - Celebrated MLP's 7th birthday
Best Artist - Providing quality, Derpibooru-exclusive artwork
Magical Inkwell - Wrote MLP fanfiction consisting of at least around 1.5k words, and has a verified link to the platform of their choice
Not a Llama - Happy April Fools Day!
Friendship, Art, and Magic (2017) - Celebrated Derpibooru's five year anniversary with friends.
An Artist Who Rocks - 100+ images under his artist tag

Sciencepone of Science!
@hype
There are crazies everywhere. Yes, even science has them right here on this very site. And not all pseudoscience is obscure or unpopular, either. Science's greatest strength is also its greatest weakness; reproducability. Imagine cavemen trying to understand electricity — only sometimes feeling static in the air and shocking things, but having no idea how to reproduce it, and never succeeding, and you're about on the right track as to how I view it. Then some cavemen go off saying they have the power of electricity and they'll use it to heal you if you pay them money over True Capitalist Radio.

Anyways, if you really want to get involved, there's a place for it.


@The Last Reviewer
Mormon, specifically. As I linked above in the last sentence, I've written quite a bit about it.
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