[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

@warc9  
Innocent until proven guilty. Can’t mods access PM chat logs? But it’s interesting he never denied using that wording you mentioned earlier.
 
 
@Tranquil Night  
Thanks for sharing something so personal. Quite a powerful experience.
 

 
Personally, I’ve come to think of life as something of a war story. I mean, I believe in an afterlife, so to me, it’s that throughout eternity we’ll get relative peace and tranquility, so that’s not what life is for. Life is for the hard things that make it worthwhile. A hero’s war story isn’t amazing because it was easy, it’s an amazing story because it was hard.
 
You may lose everything you have, you may lose money, loved ones, possessions, memories, but one thing that nothing can ever take from you is who you are. If you do something hard, if you even just do something simple and good, then nothing, ever, can take that from you - even if others don’t know it happened or don’t believe it, that doesn’t change the fact that you still are the person who did those things.
 
So, in an eternity without struggle, this is our one opportunity to do something amazing. It’s our one opportunity to get up on the stage and perform. We’ll have eternity to regret stupid things we do on stage, but we only have these few short hours to do something amazing, and to define ourselves.
 
And there are redemptive characters, too. Those are often the best.
 
The world is your sandbox, your playground. Go make an amazing story, one where you control every move the protagonist makes to make it a tragedy or an epic tale.

david will post something here to redeem himself, be prepared

@Cirrus Light  
that needs to be puted in a book

@team blueplant  
He has as much right to defend himself as you do to make accusations.
 
Bear in mind that we are not in your mind nor his - we cannot read minds and discern who is telling the truth or not. It would be unfair for anyone to jump to conclusions on your side or his without some solid evidence, and as long as two people disagree, we can’t jump to the side of one or the other just because one tells a more emotional story. I’m a strong believer in logic and objectivity.
 
Alas, though, I am not the judge, but I hope my reasoning will ring in peoples’ ears.
 
@team blueplant
 
Thanks!
 
You know, more and more I’ve been contemplating becoming a professional author…

@team blueplant  
I agree. That is a very powerful quote.

@Cirrus Light  

You certainly have what it takes. I am not normally a big fan of emotional writing, but that was amazing.

@Tranquil Night  
Jeez, thanks!
 
It’s just, mixed with my own religious beliefs, and my own history with depression, that’s kind of a thought I arrived to.

As a final statement,I’m gonna write this fucking encyclopedy.
 
Let’s name it:David,the history no one wanted to know.
 
2 and a half years ago,me and him meet in a group chat,in that time,he was in a relationship with another guy,and I just talked to him regularly and RP with him sometimes.
 
Time passed by and they broke up,he was depressed,sad and wanted to pill himself to death,so I tried to cheer him up,I started to know him better,spend more time with him and found out he was a very kind person on the inside,but cold outside.
 
3 months since I started to know him better,I started to feel something special for him,I was so confused,I never felt somethin similar to that,because at that point,I was straight and never felt what real love for someone was.
 
I decided to tell him the truth,that I liked him,and he told me he felt the same.
 
I felt so good,so full on the inside,every day I spent talking with him made me more and more happy.
 
But things changed,suddenly,he wasn’t as cheerfull as he used to be,he seemed angry most of the time,and started to ignore me,insult me and even block me for days,I was very sensitive back then,and these kinda things made me cry or even harm myself because I felt he was like that because I was being mean to him,but no,it was because his classmates picked on him,I understood his mood,and told him if he could change it a litte for me,but didnt work out.We were like this,like,half a year.
 
His mood got better,but mine got worse,because I got redpilled as fuck about life,got depressed and became a more serious person.
 
Then,I started…how to say it,to get very lucky at my unboxes at TF2 (Let’s explain this in a simple way,you know those knifes of CS:GO that cost 600 $ irl? Yeah? Well,TF2 is similar,but with hats.)  
I started to unbox unusuals,and got pretty rich at the video game scheme.  
This,made him kinda jealous and angry,because he couldn’t get a job to open crates like me,or wasn’t never lucky.
 
To compensate this I bought him some games so he wasn’t that mad,he thanked me and chilled a bit for some weeks.
 
But,he started to want more and more games,I had plenty of money back then because I had an estable job,so I bought everything to him,I loved him and I wanted to share my luck with him.
 
But when I couldn’t get him a game or something,he got mad,and started to swear at me,this is where things started to get rotten,because that seemed kinda like explotation for me.
 
More time happened,it was my birthdat and he bought me arround 100 $ of things,I was really cheerful and thanked him alot.
 
Arround 2 months passed and he started to regret the choice of giving me all that stuff.Because he got on problems with his parents or couldn’t buy some things for himself
 
Then he became less cold with me,but he keeped on requesting games and stuff wich I couldn’t get,because my job season ended and he got mad and treated me like shit for some months.
 
It was his birthday and I decided to give him back the same cuantity of money he gave me on my bd.I afforded all that i could and gave it all to him.
 
After this,he started to constantly call me retard,as a “joke” wich I didn’t like.
 
Discussions here and there for thypical relationship things,wich sometimes ended up with him trying to break up with me,I didn’t want to loose him so I tried my best to do my best with him.
 
More and more discussions,and I got to a point where I decided “Enough,he is exploting me” and told him I wanted to break up,he said “okay”,but an hour later talked me back and said he was sorry,that he regret everything he did and called me and wanted to try again.I said yes,but at that moment,I had changed and seem the things the way he used to.  
Everything was bullshit,only discussions and swears time to time,we discussed for everything,he was mad because i was excluding him from my arts and other thigs,so I got him a few arts but he didnt seem to aprecciate ‘em at all.
 
I know I was being rude at that point,but didn’t stop,I got worse and more mean.At this day I don’t know why.
 
Months happened and we are here right now,at what seems to be my last discussion with him.
 
I’m sorry about everything.  
I know I was bad  
I know I got out of my nerves  
I know I didn’t do the right things  
I know I said I’ll sunk him and similar shit.
 
But in the end,I’m sorry,it is my fault that this relationship didnt work eventho he tried to do so.
 
I’m not a bad person,I care about my friends and everyone that surrounds me.I just got upset really easily and said things I didn’t want to.
 
If you readed all of this and continue to think that I don’t deserve another chance,you’re on your right.
 
I’m sure I forgot a lot of stuff in this history,but this is the most important.
 
I hope you all understand and spare me.
 
Thanks for reading,David out.

@Minidavi8  
“care about my friends”  
talk about arturo (aka raymond)

@Minidavi8  
Lissen, I think you need to call a hotline.

@Minidavi8  
Now I don’t know what to think anymore,you both sound like your telling the truth,I don’t know anymore.

@warc9  
Why?

@Minidavi8  
I don’t want you hurting yourself.

@warc9  
Nah,I won’t,don’t worry

@Minidavi8  
And you won’t do the unthinkable? You need to give me your word on this.

@warc9  
Eh? What do you mean?

@Minidavi8  
you know david, you point a lot the fact that i got angry because of games and stuff, but you never sayed that those moments of anger (like any other of mine) dosent last more than 5 to 30 minutes, and the next day, i forgot all, like i always do  
.  
that fight when i asked to comeback after an hour, first, i wasnt like “okay” i maked some drama there, second, that fight wasnt for money, it was for melazar, because i finded out certain image that triggered me a lot

@Minidavi8  
I was worried that you would kill yourself.

@Minidavi8  
Love is a beautiful thing but it has to be supported on two fronts. It’s not just you that has to go upfront, the other person has to do it too.
 
So, it’s simply not your fault. Don’t worry about it. If you know that you’re in deep trouble, break it off for now so you can focus on your life. It might sound scary but it’s a necessity for some people.
 
Being selfish isn’t bad. It’s a requirement to be happy.

@warc9
 
Why kill yourself when life itself will kill you at some moment.I’d rather live and enjoy life,since I’m an atheist and I think there’s nothing after death.
 
So,yeah,you have my word,I wont kill myself

This could tell me who is guilty. Bluedavi8, how long passed since you wanted to break up with blueeggplant? I need your best estimate as a certain amount of time. Do not weasel out of this.

@Tranquil Night
 
Arround a month or so.

@Minidavi8  
Thank you.

@Minidavi8
 
Ok, thank you.

@Minidavi8  
@The Last Reviewer  
They’re probably both telling the truth, as they see it.
 
They say not to feed bears because when you do, they come to expect it. You giving them stuff is the new “normal” to them. They don’t feel like they’re taking advantage of you, they feel like you’re just sharing “as you’re supposed to”, thus it becomes an expectation and not a thing to be thankful for, and then they don’t understand and feel betrayed when you can’t provide as you have been.
 
Sounds to me like both sides need to grow up a bit, though - not losing tempers, and not expecting things.
 
There’s a lot of learned behaviors, too - cats adopt their meows to be more pitiful so that humans give them treats. They don’t do it intentionally - they don’t have the intellect to sit there and think about it, they just kind of learn it and subconsciously they feel like meowing a certain way more often.
 
Humans do the same. When threatening suicide makes people act the way you want them to act - when it elicits sympathy and gets you stuff, you feel like doing it more often. It’s not a conscious decision, it’s just something that happens - you feel depressed more because you’re getting rewarded for crying out.
 
Now of course, suicide is horrible and people in that situation need support, but they also need to learn to not use that as a crutch, to learn to stand on their own two legs, or else it will become their form of “temper tantrum” that they won’t outgrow. Which is infinitely worse, because it is, of course, way more serious and terrible than any temper tantrum.
 
So, basically, everyone just needs a better handle on their emotions and to learn to stop seeing themselves as victims, because when you see yourself as a victim you disempower yourself and make yourself even more depressed and reward that in the future. Nobody’s a victim. You’re both adults who are capable of being independent, powerful, contributing members of society if you would only see yourself that way. You’re both old enough to wield a gun and command soldiers and to drive a multi-ton vehicle at speeds uncomprehensible to our ancestors.
 

 
And basically, well, learn to stop fighting, stop getting angry, and learn to be happy. Sounds a bit like there’s too much not just seeking each other for support, but relying on each other for support.
 

 
…Honestly, I’m not entirely sure that was the best thing to write, but those are some of my thoughts. I wish people would see themselves for what they are really capable of, and I think that something that cripples a lot of people is when they see themselves as hapless victims instead of the powerhouses that they really are.