I miss the show so much
I cried, but it didn't really help.
While going through some of my old stuff, I found my school papers, books and notes, from late 2008 to early 2014. I started crying when I remembered how much fun I had back then. Of the five years of university, 2.5 was mixed heavily with pony. And so many other things. I was actually happy back then. I was optimistic about the future. For a few years, my depression took a back seat. I wasn't fully out of it, but I thought I'd find a way, that I'd make it. Sure there were some setbacks and bad things too, there always is, but overall I was legit happy.
Now I have nothing. Nothing I've done since graduating has come even remotely close to that era. Of course I've done lots of things, experienced even funny things. For example, watching new pony every week was a source of incredible fun for me. But overall, I'm legit sad. And now, today, today is one of the worst days of my life. And tomorrow will be even worse, and the next week scares me because it is going to be BAD. I see no happy outcomes from this mess I'm in the middle of.
I'm so stressed. I can't sleep. Nothing works out as planned. There are no stable things in my life at the moment. Everything keeps changing. Nothing is the way it should be. For the first time in, I don't know how long, I really wish I wasn't alone here. That I'd have someone here to calm me down. Another human. To help me. To talk with. To hug. Anything. But… it's just me. I'm alone with my problems.
I'm a doomer.
All I can do is sit in the corner and cry and hope that somehow it won't get even worse because I don't know how much more I can take this.