I haven’t been here in a long time but I need something or anything at all… Prepare for shit to be piled on top of you if you even give a fuck in the first place cuz nobody ever does. If you don’t care to read, there’s a tldr at the end.
My depression has skyrocketed. I almost committed suicide last night and I’ve already hacked up my skin. The reason why I didn’t go through with it is because I believe I’m cursed to this damn planet. Every time I try to commit suicide I survive every single damn time so I must have some purpose but the only purpose I seemingly have is to suffer.
I have no friends and all I have is my boyfriend and he literally flat out told me, “I can’t help you.” Nobody else fucking supports me.
I got kicked out of the house last night so I’m basically homeless and I have no family to reach out to because my mom is dying due to drugs my dad is already dead due to drugs my aunt is seriously doing some drugs cuz she’s on some schizo shit or something, my grandma’s dying so she can’t take care of me. I can’t go to my other Aunt because she’s dead. I can’t go to my cousin’s house cuz she’s abusive. I can’t live with my uncle cuz he already has too many kids. I can’t go with any of my sisters or brothers cuz I have no idea where they are in life right now or how to get in touch with them. I can’t live with my boyfriend for some fucking reason. I’ve literally exhausted all my options within my almost 20 years of life. That’s how much I’ve been moving around because nobody wants to deal with me.
You’re probably wondering what I mean by “deal with me”. Well I’m severely
depressed and have meltdowns and I’m severely disabled. So much so that I cannot work or drive. It’s also the main reason why I can’t keep a relationship or a home.
I don’t make enough money to support myself. Can’t afford anywhere. My best hope to shoot for is getting a roommate but I don’t know anybody and I have to reach out to somebody but my problem is that after dealing with all these people all my life I don’t want to be with somebody else. Especially a stranger.
I’m so fucking upset and I have never been so low in my damn life and there’s no way of getting out of it.
I have no support system whatsoever, I’m severely disabled and depressed, and I’m now homeless.
Thank you for coming to my ted talk.