I’ve hit a bit of a rut. Recent circumstances may have placed an academic roadblock that I have yet to figure out how to surmount. Worse still, said recent events have got my questioning my abilities.
Under normal circumstances, to your average Joe, this wouldn’t be a big deal. The problem is I am my abilities. I’ve put so much stock into achieving my goals, and have always relied on my abilities to see me through. I was physically weak in HS so I used wit and intellect to survive, I had major depression but I found ways to overcome it. My skills and talents have always gotten me through, but for the first time in my life I am actually confused as what to do next. It’s always come rather easy for me as well. I’ve never had to devote a lot of resources, never really had to scrape by. The chance that it could all fall apart around me is nerve wracking.
I’ve been tested before, I’ve had my skills and intellect strained many a time, but this is one of the first times I feel it’s outright failed me. What’s worse is it’s a single thing, one tiny insignificant portion. I have an entire empty desert at my will, yet managed to trip over the smallest pebble.
The frustration and anger I feel right now can’t even be truly put to words.
My goal has always been to improve peoples lives, to put my talents to the betterment of mankind. I’ve held true to that, it’s been my driving force. Now, for the first time, that goal seems to be fading, and that terrifies me. To be prevented by such a simple chain of mistakes.
At any rate, I’m not used to expressing this much emotion in front of strangers, I’ll take my leave now.