[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

Okay, so I’m driving myself crazy.

Sometimes i wonder if anything i do even matters.

@Conflik9929  
It does.

@Conflik9929  
It does matter and it doesn’t at the same time

@Assertive Derpness  
How does that help?
 
 
@warc9  
In a way that isn’t conpletely negative

@Stitch  
What diet are you on? Maybe that has something to do with not being able to put on muscle.

@Conflik9929  
You are important to us.

@warc9  
But i haven’t done anything noteworthy on this site

@Conflik9929  
You have two uploads with over 100 upvotes.
 
Thats noteworthy.

@Conflik9929
 
It’s best to embrace the meaninglessness of life. Think of it as a blank canvas upon which you can draw anything you want.
 
You don’t need some arbitrary ruleset or ascribed purpose thrusted upon you like a comic D&D character sheet. Give them GM the finger and make your own rules.
 

 
@Stitch
 
 
I dated a girl with bad teeth. One od two flaws are not enough to ruin someone’s chances forever. There are plenty of people out there who look past such things.

@Zincy  
Applicable.

Psychiatrist Thursday. I feel like I need to write everything down..i want to be able to explain as well as I can.

Why is it that sometimes, I feel romantically lonely? I’m a teenager… might explain it but maybe not… I don’t go to public school, I do school online… I mean, I don’t feel lonely, like, I have no friends, but I feel lonely in the romantic sense… Like, I should have a girlfriend by now… I don’t know, I just don’t know…
 
If you fall, I will catch you, and I will be waiting! Time after time…

Was starting to feel better, nope. Got yelled at by mom saying that i was disrespectful to everyone and said that i just lay my misery on everyone when things dont go my way. Also that i dont hate myself enough to actually kill myself even though i have tried thrice already.

I wish I didn’t have autism.

The closer the day comes the more I stress over being able to give all the information to her. I’d hate for nothing to come of this..or the wrong thing.

Every now and then I seriously feel lonely. Romantically, but still.
 
I feel RP was a way to fill that void, just a patch to stop a leak, it works. And it will work for now. Of course. I do RP because I love it! But with lack of activity, the feelings set in.

@Dave33333  
My many friends used to RP with me…until Death took them from me.

@Applejack007  
It’ll be alright. :)

I’m afraid of being diabetic.

Seeing something you fucking hate for two years non stop.
 
And there is something bigger tied to it, if you want to know.  
I just wanted to say this here.
 
Intrusive scootabuse thoughts are sexual by nature.
 
Scootabuse is to my sexual part of the brain just an increased form of some of the embarrassment fetish I have had sense middle school.
 
A part that got hyper increased for about three nights during what I now call “the experiments”.
 
Those was the nights I saw scootabuse. As in went into the tag. They still haunt me today.
 
My logic and my religious part told me to stop. I did. But a fear of straight jackets and unpayable medical bills kept me from getting help.
 
I was a fucking idiot for not going to get help then and waiting two years.
 
Those two years the thoughts just got stronger.
 
I have failed myself. I have failed all of you.
 
I have failed.

@warc9  
Do not dwell on the fact that you did not seek out help sooner. I did something similar by waiting for two years when I was in a major depression to ask for help. How does that make us a failiure?
 
As for the attachment of your thoughts to a fetish, I can see why that is disturbing to you. You think that you are attracted to Scootabuse, yet you hate it in actuality. Know that I used to have very twisted fantasies, and I was not sure how much I liked them. I no longer have them, and if your treatment occurrs at a similar pace to mine, you are about a year away from being where I am. Do you remember what happened two Thanksgivings ago or last Christmas? That makes a year not seem so far away.
 
It does not take a full year for the treatment to start to work though. It only takes about a month for the right medications to work, and therapy works as it happens. A year is about how long it took me to get out of a major depression with extreme intrusive thoughts so that my largest complaint is boredom.

@Tranquil Night  
You have a point. Thank you.

Today will be interesting