Serious question; I know this is the depressed thread and all so imma just be str8 2 da point. Do you like it?
More specifically, do you enjoy wallowing in self pity and justifying everything wrong happening to you?
Real talk because…I did. I actually, looking back at it, kinda sorta enjoyed self pity. I legit got some kind of validation for blaming something else, thinking everything was out of my control. I blame religion, parents, my upbringing, me not having money, my lack of skill, me not having friends etc.
It was…empowering and I felt loved. Anytime I’m forced to look at my situation, I bitch out. I fucking ran. I NEVER want to ever find out that I could have done things different, that it was somehow my fault that I didn’t do shit about anything. Nah, nah. It be God’s fault. It be all the other selfish assholes, climate deniers and anybody who done fuck’d the world.
But everytime I had to actually looked at myself. All I find is regret. Regret, for being a bitch, for being a coward, for giving in to fear and taking shortcuts. Maybe things wouldn’t have changed if I was giving it 100%. But at least I would know that I didn’t walk away.
Would I regret giving everything for something? Maybe. But I wouldn’t know. Because I have been taking half-measures, and when it doesn’t go my way I take pleasure in blaming someone else. I don’t know if any of y’all could relate to that.
