[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

@Deactivated_20210116_01  
We all die inside, it’s part of growing up.
 
2020 waged a civil war on us all and I only wanted you to be happy.
 
 
I’m taking the dog with me to go get breakfast. Look after yourself 👊

The revolver is loaded…
 
Maybe I should do it.

@ᏰᎯᎠᎻᎬᎯᏒᎿ  
please dont hugs nobody wants you to

I’m tired of being bullied by my parents.

@ᏰᎯᎠᎻᎬᎯᏒᎿ  
It’s hard, but just ignore them.

@KolpSlack  
How can I? They rely on me.
 
Mom drives me crazy and dad steals everything.
 
 
Life is hard when your bones are weak.

@ᏰᎯᎠᎻᎬᎯᏒᎿ  
You should get away from them, can’t they take care of themselves?

Just learned about a whole bunch of fanfics I liked and read, and some I didn’t get to yet, just went away, gone, deleted, idk when but it was within the last 2 months, and the person who made them also just seems gone. No idea why, don’t know if there is a reason, I don’t even wanna find out if there was. It sucks to lose content from the internet, sucks even more when you liked it, sucks even more more when they were your biggest inspiration for the last 4 years.
 
Why was I cursed to learn this. I suppose I’d find out eventually, I just never expected them to just be gone. I should have made any efforts to preserve them at all, I just never expected that.
 
Guess I gotta just start saving everything I like even slightly from now on as it will just be gone in the blink of an eye if I ever so much as turn my head. Or just stop caring about things as I can’t feel loss if I never knew/cared about it to begin with.

@LightningBolt  
If it’s from fimfic, you could try FimFetch

@doloresbridge  
It is not, it is from Archive Of Our Own.

@LightningBolt  
Bummer. Have you tried archive.today? Wayback machine? Google cache sometimes comes through when those don’t.

@doloresbridge  
Looks like it’s really slow but I’ll give it a try, thanks.

I found them archived on archive.org on jan 20th of this year, at least partly (like I’m gonna click on everything) which is nice but it doesn’t stop the pain or damage. it’s just a bandage (also a few other dates in jan)  
and before that just dates in 2015 and 2014  
it’s almost like somebody knew

Valentine’s was such a messed up day I just stayed in my room and drank beer.

@LightningBolt  
You could use the WayBackMachine. It archives mostly everything on the net. Just search the Fic uploaders old URL assuming you remember their alias
 
Edit: Oh nvm you already did that lol

haven’t done all that much with my life yet. not sure if i ever will. still need to get a better paying job and move out.
 
but motivation to do that is pretty low. so time will tell if i end up homeless or not.
 
until then i’ll just keep my mind occupied and not worry about it.

@Background Pony #6048  
Hey, pal I know what it is like, as I’m going through the same. Usually what helps is just remembering how far you’ve come and move forward reminding of your goal.

@ᏰᎯᎠᎻᎬᎯᏒᎿ  
overpowered

In my third year of college, don’t feel I’m truly getting anywhere after all this time. It’s getting harder to find the motivation to even pay attention in class, let alone study for tests for which I’ll forget most of the relevant information after the class is done, or I’ll sometimes fail the tests outright. Feel far behind in actually getting a good job after school, have yet to even have an internship. Hoped to have research experience at some point, it’s looking like that won’t happen. Dunno how the hell I’m going to get into grad school like I initially planned. To top it off, I don’t feel like I contribute in any meaningful way to the student organization I’m in or that I have any sort of significant friendship with the fellow members; we only really interact because we’re meeting to work on our project at the same time. Sure it’s fun, but not anything that seems to have significance beyond club matters.
 
Every day I’m reminded of how I’ve basically just fucked around for the past few years and not made anything of myself. At best, I might graduate with a deadend job at the bottom of the barrel for what my degree applies to, with around $100,000 in debt to pay off. I thought I had potential at one point, wish I at least knew what changed and why.

@Astrum  
hugs

@Dashiefluffywaifu  
Thanks

@Astrum
 
I’ve been in college for 11 years, more or less. I took one or two off years during that time.
 
No time in academia is wasted. Just try and pick up as many skills and experiences as you can. You never know what will be useful.

@DoubleX  
not to sure i have any real goals. all i know is im lost. and not to sure what im supposed to do.
 
boils down to in my mind and thought process, that lifes end goal is meaningless. if that makes sense. so im stuck with what i should do. continue to float on by barely doing much of anything, or do something with my life even though it will be for nothing once im gone.
 
bleh, hate even thinking about.