[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

World decides to beat the crap out of me again…
 
I just woke up from my stupid fantasy and realized that my only friend right now (Which i chatted in Telegram) may be dead. It’s almost two/three months and she hasn’t replied back, neither shown some sign of activity on her accounts (She’s an artist), worse it’s that she has several illnesses that are lethal, and I have no way to communicate with her other than Telegram.
 
I have no point in going on with life anymore. I can’t seem to make friends and the few ones i have backstab me, leave, or die (That i hope it’s not the case, but it’s a real possibility I can’t simply ignore).
 
The only thing helping me not to kill myself was talking with her, with somebody… And this artwork i found somewhere that ocassionally makes me think twice…
 

 
 
But now there’s the chance the only friend I had that didn’t stab me in the back or use me for stuff may be dead. And it hurts….
 
I’m trying to stay alive just to help others, because atleast other people can be joyful and not end like a bastard like me. To make people laugh, to make them feel good and overall be a supporting guy. But i don’t care about myself at this point, what’s the point for me in making friends when either they decide you’re not “cool” or whaterver enough for them, or die. What’s the point in advancing when you see the signs that you will fail no matter what. It’s like the world just wants me to suffer.
 
I hate my life… Yet i am unable to fully cut my wrist, and any amount of pills i take doesn’t end this. Ironic and sad, i’m a coward who can’t seem to walk the next step.
 
It’s like the world just got some popcorn and soda while it watches me and laughs. Like if i would be one of those cartoons where the guy always fails miserably whaterver he tries to do.