[Dark] Depression/Suicides within the fandom (The revival)

Background Pony #7DD0
@Background Pony #0827
Only the killer and torturers, yes, I’m with you here.
The innocents during the time may have tried to prevent it but failed or too scared to do anything.
Can’t believe nature lacks the rule to punish injustice, right?
Often times justice comes from those with rule making power, yet, may or may not create justice itself, for the others, luck and fate decides for them.
JP
Silly Pony - Celebrated the 13th anniversary of MLP:FIM, and 40 years of MLP!
Shimmering Smile - Celebrated the 10th anniversary of Equestria Girls!
Solar Guardian - Refused to surrender in the face of the Lunar rebellion and showed utmost loyalty to the Solar Empire (April Fools 2023).
Roseluck - Had their OC in the 2023 Derpibooru Collab.
King Sombra - Celebrated the 10th anniversary of The Crystal Empire!
A Lovely Nightmare Night - Celebrated the 12th anniversary of MLP:FIM!
Princess of Love - Extra special version for those who participated in the Canterlot Wedding 10th anniversary event by contributing art.
Elements of Harmony - Had an OC in the 2022 Community Collab
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Notoriously Divine Tagger - Consistently uploads images above and beyond the minimum tag requirements. And/or additionally, bringing over the original description from the source if the image has one. Does NOT apply to the uploader adding several to a dozen tags after originally uploading with minimum to bare tagging.

I miss the show so much
It is in moments like this when I become fully aware of just how complete failure I am. The totality of it. I’ve failed at every single thing in life. No hope, no future. There’s no one and nothing out there for me. Except more sadness. All the life’s important moments and decisions, they’re all in the past. I failed them. It’s too late to change anything. I’m too old, there are no choices anymore. Others succeeded. I didn’t. I was left behind. Alone. I’m garbage.
Why couldn’t I be the happy one? The hopeful one? Why did I end up being the depressed, apathetic one? What went wrong with my brain chemistry? Was I doomed from the beginning?
Background Pony #7DD0
@JP
Uh, one possibility is that you might be facebook-ing too much and feel envious of others, I know how this feels and it is a hellhole of a feeling about yourself…
I fucking cut ties with facebook and my high school/university friends altogether because they all use facebook and keep bragging their success to keep my envy at bay, and now I avoided that.
JP
Silly Pony - Celebrated the 13th anniversary of MLP:FIM, and 40 years of MLP!
Shimmering Smile - Celebrated the 10th anniversary of Equestria Girls!
Solar Guardian - Refused to surrender in the face of the Lunar rebellion and showed utmost loyalty to the Solar Empire (April Fools 2023).
Roseluck - Had their OC in the 2023 Derpibooru Collab.
King Sombra - Celebrated the 10th anniversary of The Crystal Empire!
A Lovely Nightmare Night - Celebrated the 12th anniversary of MLP:FIM!
Princess of Love - Extra special version for those who participated in the Canterlot Wedding 10th anniversary event by contributing art.
Elements of Harmony - Had an OC in the 2022 Community Collab
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Notoriously Divine Tagger - Consistently uploads images above and beyond the minimum tag requirements. And/or additionally, bringing over the original description from the source if the image has one. Does NOT apply to the uploader adding several to a dozen tags after originally uploading with minimum to bare tagging.

I miss the show so much
@Background Pony #7DD0
I can’t “Facebook too much” because I block Facecrap in the browser, DNS level, and even blackholing all FB’s AS blocks in the router, both ingress and egress traffic just to be sure. And I do the same for every other FB-related service. I’ve been doing all that since 2009/2010. I don’t do any social media. I block them. They’re cancer that destroys whatever little humanity may be left.
Background Pony #7DD0
@JP
Oh good, I think you aren’t a total failure especially in bravery to block this social media hellhole.
Sometimes, life punches you in the face randomly and makes you feel that way, making every of your efforts seems like a waste of time, feeling like a failure.
I like in-game randomness, but I despite real-life randomness.
Also, (I am feeling similar to you right now) dunno what I am gonna do in the uncertain future, I am limited by what I am and my family’s financial stuffs, I feel like my family tie was doomed in the business world to begin with, born in my own current family tie was a huge mistake of randomness and middle finger at my luck!! The day I die, means my misery of this curse is over.
DarkObsidian
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.
Ten years of changes - Celebrated the 10th anniversary of MLP:FiM!
My Little Pony - 1992 Edition
Economist -

Smiling Panzerfuchs 2.0
Well, there is little I can say about this that is based on fact. But I never felt that you were worthless or a lost cause. I can’t speak for your circumstances, of course. Nor can I do more than offer you my hand. But I don’t think you are as you see yourself. And I wish that someday you would stop seeing things only from someone else’s perspective. Create your own world. Your own reason. And forget all the rest. More than anything else, you are a thinking, feeling and suffering being. But that is nothing to be ashamed of.
Yes, I know how much it hurts you to have to perceive the things around you. And it hurts. And it doesn’t help yourself either. But please, with all that I can tell you now: Please don’t give up on yourself. You don’t HAVE to do anything. And you can do everything. And if you feel like you’re failing, then fail. But don’t see that as a failure. Anyone can stumble. Anyone can really fall on their face. The only shame here would be not getting back up. And if you feel like you’re not loved - you will be. You yourself have to find the strength to be able to love yourself. Nothing else matters.
If there’s one power that can help you, it’s the power of yourself not to be ashamed of anything, and to say to yourself, “Fuck you all.” Don’t give a damn about their opinions and attitudes. And even more so, don’t give a damn about their successes. All that matters is you. And only you. Start with yourself. And think to yourself: “You can all kiss my ass”. Your value may not really be clear to you right now. But you have it. And you are somebody. And if something happens, if everybody else has left you, always think to yourself, “You can do something else”.
I find alone your step to post your thoughts here so brave. And so much brave. You don’t just resign yourself to your fate. Because you don’t have to. But recognize yourself, and your value for this world. Fuck everything that weighs you down. Go ahead and say what burdens you and who burdens you. Communicate openly and honestly about your anger and hatred and the way the world is trying to hold you down. But be honest. And stay brave. YOU have done nothing wrong. But it is this world that has failed you and given you false hope.
From someone who has been through it all. Please, and I really hope you do, but I don’t expect anything either: please don’t give up on yourself. Because you don’t have to. And even if I repeat myself, I am serious.
If you ever need to talk to someone, we’re here. And you’re also welcome to address me personally. All I hope from you now is: Just don’t give up. And be aware that the world is really a bucket of shit. But you don’t have to be part of it. Rise up yourself. And accept the pain. That pain doesn’t hurt you because you’re worthless. It’s because you realize how false and phony everything else is. And yes, it hurts. But it is only one step, one cut on the way to make you a better being. Better than those who lie to you that you have to be like them.
Be simple. And accept the here and now. It does not make you feel good. It does not make you happy. But it is merely the basis of what you can lift yourself up to.
JP
Silly Pony - Celebrated the 13th anniversary of MLP:FIM, and 40 years of MLP!
Shimmering Smile - Celebrated the 10th anniversary of Equestria Girls!
Solar Guardian - Refused to surrender in the face of the Lunar rebellion and showed utmost loyalty to the Solar Empire (April Fools 2023).
Roseluck - Had their OC in the 2023 Derpibooru Collab.
King Sombra - Celebrated the 10th anniversary of The Crystal Empire!
A Lovely Nightmare Night - Celebrated the 12th anniversary of MLP:FIM!
Princess of Love - Extra special version for those who participated in the Canterlot Wedding 10th anniversary event by contributing art.
Elements of Harmony - Had an OC in the 2022 Community Collab
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Notoriously Divine Tagger - Consistently uploads images above and beyond the minimum tag requirements. And/or additionally, bringing over the original description from the source if the image has one. Does NOT apply to the uploader adding several to a dozen tags after originally uploading with minimum to bare tagging.

I miss the show so much
@DarkObsidian
You make good points, but I’m afraid they won’t help me. Prepare for a wall of text.
I don’t know if I was hardwired to have depression from the birth, but there is one thing that was.
I have a bad case of temper. I almost certainly suffer from what is known as Intermittent Explosive Disorder. It just happens. I can get really angry, really fast. Like, in seconds. And it often goes away in seconds. Then I spend hours sulking about it (“I got angry again for no reason”). What triggers it? Everything. Anything from a website popping up a “subscribe now” garbage while I try to read something, to forgetting to buy toothpaste again, the program I’m working with not working as expected, a passer-by on the street blowing foul cigarette smoke in my way, and so on.
I’m not terribly violent when it happens, but I have broken things a few times over the years. But I always fear that one day I completely lose control and something very bad happens. I don’t want to hurt others. Because I cannot stop the IED inside me from going off, I live alone. I have no relationships, and I will never have. I’ve never dated anyone. Because even if someone would love me (how can someone love me, when I cannot love myself?), eventually I would end up hurting them, and they would leave. The only way to avoid all that misery is to live alone. Now, I am a bit loner by nature, but I’d still love at least some company. To talk with. To hug. To get hugged. To wake up next to in the morning in a sunlight filled room.
Most people I encounter more than once in life know about my condition. Either I tell them, or they see me rage over something. I’ve apologized for my behavior to other people so many times my apologies are starting to lose their meaning, because it will happen again. And again. And again.
It’s been there for my whole life. You can probably guess how easy it is to bully someone who gets angry so easily… I am amazed that I somehow managed to have friends back in the elementary school. That was a long time ago.
I refuse to operate any motorized vehicles. I don’t even have a driver’s license (though, for many years, I couldn’t even afford it). The thought of what might happen to me and people around me when (not if) I rage behind the wheel is horrifying. I don’t want to drive cars or motorcycles. I do not consume alcohol at all. Again, the thoughts of terrible things I might do when I get drunk sicken me. (Of course it is possible that the right amount of alcohol might actually calm me down, but it’s not something I’m willing to experiment with.)
When COVID-19 happened, I was secretly happy a little. Because for me it meant working from home. I don’t have to scream at the computer in the office and embarrass myself. I can do that at home and no one knows. I hope I can continue working from home for the rest of my life.
All this depresses me every day. This “IED” does not go away. You’re born with it. There is no cure. Therapy can smoothen it a little (I have personal experience on this), but it will not make it go away. You will hurt yourself and people around you, and it just happens. You have no control over it. It’s a curse that completely dominates me. I was sentenced to live in total loneliness from the very beginning. My parents are aging. Without a car, I cannot help them when they need help (I live about 60 kilometers away from them). Every day I wonder what will happen to my parent’s house after they die. I cannot inherit it, since it’s far outside of the city and a car is required out there.
My depression will not go away, because I automatically generate more bad mood and sulking every day, even if I don’t want to. My brains are miswired to do that.
And this is just my personal mental demon that completely controls me. I haven’t even started talking about the physcial ailments I have (migraine, back pains, etc.) to some of which I do have medication and the medication usually works. But IED? It’s there, always.
(Another massive source of depression is the current world political situation, but I’m not going there. I cannot change any of it anyway, but I cannot stop feeling sad over it either.)
Beth
Silly Pony - Celebrated the 13th anniversary of MLP:FIM, and 40 years of MLP!
Shimmering Smile - Celebrated the 10th anniversary of Equestria Girls!
Solar Supporter - Fought against the New Lunar Republic rebellion on the side of the Solar Deity (April Fools 2023).
Elements of Harmony - Had an OC in the 2022 Community Collab
Tree of Harmony - Drew someone's OC for the 2022 Community Collab
Verified Pegasus - Show us your gorgeous wings!
Preenhub - We all know what you were up to this evening~
Philomena - For helping others attend the 2021 community collab
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.
A Tale For The Ages - Celebrated MLP's 35th Anniversary and FiM's 8th Anniversary

In digital purgatory
I think Badheart is fucking gone.
I hope he’s out there doing something good for himself, but i really doubt it. He wasn’t doing good the last time I saw him. Without dropping all his personal information, i’m just going to say I got my reasons for concern.
Unrelated I got hypertension from drinking I think. Better chill. Today feels like shit, take it easy everyone.
KolpSlack
Solar Supporter - Fought against the New Lunar Republic rebellion on the side of the Solar Deity (April Fools 2023).
Non-Fungible Trixie -
My Little Pony - 1992 Edition

Reborn Reject
@Beth
I hope he is doing well, but I haven’t heard anything from him in a great deal of time, which is concerning, since he had some issues going on. I won’t press for info, as it seems personal.
Kicks24Sf
Solar Supporter - Fought against the New Lunar Republic rebellion on the side of the Solar Deity (April Fools 2023).
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Preenhub - We all know what you were up to this evening~
My Little Pony - 1992 Edition

Not that I wish anything bad to happen to him but he said like 70 times he was gonna kill himself and came back every single time, I’m reluctant to think it’ll be any different this time
Background Pony #7DD0
@JP
When COVID-19 happened, I was secretly happy a little. Because for me it meant working from home. I don’t have to scream at the computer in the office and embarrass myself. I can do that at home and no one knows. I hope I can continue working from home for the rest of my life.
Same, and your case is relatable to mine, I loath being an Aspergers in this retarded social-oriented world, my home country isn’t yet fully friendly with it, sadly.
Long live work from home! Down with traditions!
Also, fuck nature for making us this way. Still… have to tried psychological medicines? No drugs. It worked on me, but not sure about your case, you decide. Before I took them, I felt worse than you years ago.
UnderwoodART
Shimmering Smile - Celebrated the 10th anniversary of Equestria Girls!
Lunar Supporter - Helped forge New Lunar Republic's freedom in the face of the Solar Empire's oppressive tyrannical regime (April Fools 2023).
Crystal Roseluck - Had their OC in the 2023 Derpibooru Collab.
Princess of Love - Extra special version for those who participated in the Canterlot Wedding 10th anniversary event by contributing art.
Elements of Harmony - Had an OC in the 2022 Community Collab
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Magical Inkwell - Wrote MLP fanfiction consisting of at least around 1.5k words, and has a verified link to the platform of their choice
Kinship Through Differences - Celebrated the 11th anniversary of MLP:FIM!
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.
An Artist Who Rocks - 100+ images under their artist tag

Just Another Pink Pony
@Beth
It doesn’t help when mods actively deny us a single place to vent on this website, despite this explicitly being a thread for depression and suicide. I left this site for a month because the hours and hour of help I gave toward tagging and fixing tags was completely ignored and even actively fought against. I wanted to help, I wanted to make the website a better, cleaner place for everyone, and I was repelled for it. And so we come here to vent, honestly express that we’re going to do harm to ourselves, and they come in a something something rule six it.
So I haven’t returned. I check in maybe once a week, but there’s nothing for me here. My art is ignored, my hours of volunteer work are worthless, and then we’re silenced on the vent thread. What’s the point?
If they did do something to themselves, I think it was encouraged by the mods by silencing their post.
Background Pony #6F25
Sometimes I would like to share my tastes and interests with more people, but I’m afraid to think people think I’m a fool & I think they’re not wrong.
Stellar Dust
Stellar Dust - For supporting the site
Silly Pony - Celebrated the 13th anniversary of MLP:FIM, and 40 years of MLP!
Shimmering Smile - Celebrated the 10th anniversary of Equestria Girls!
Solar Supporter - Fought against the New Lunar Republic rebellion on the side of the Solar Deity (April Fools 2023).
Flower Trio - Helped others get their OC into the 2023 Derpibooru Collab.
Roseluck - Had their OC in the 2023 Derpibooru Collab.
King Sombra - Celebrated the 10th anniversary of The Crystal Empire!
A Lovely Nightmare Night - Celebrated the 12th anniversary of MLP:FIM!
Princess of Love - Extra special version for those who participated in the Canterlot Wedding 10th anniversary event by contributing art.
Tree of Harmony - Drew someone's OC for the 2022 Community Collab

Horse
I work or study all day, I don’t talk to anyone most of the time, I stopped talking with the only friend I used to talk to, it’s hard for me to talk to people, the only thing that makes me happy is a few hours I am free to draw some days if I don’t have an art block.
Everything is very tiring but there is no much that I can do about it.
I just wanted to vent it somewhere.
Elidiotadelaesquina
Shimmering Smile - Celebrated the 10th anniversary of Equestria Girls!
Lunar Guardian - Earned a place among the ranks of the most loyal New Lunar Republic soldiers (April Fools 2023).
Roseluck - Had their OC in the 2023 Derpibooru Collab.
Artist -

Stupid idiot
I feel like a nuisance.
I don’t have a job, I’m not studying, the only friend I have is very far from me & I don’t like to bother him to talk for Discord.
My hobbies are no longer interested in me.
I’m having a hard time motivating myself to do anything.
Background Pony #7DD0
@Elidiotadelaesquina
Looks like you are getting into a nihilistic state of mind; nothing matters and doing anything is meaningless.
I guess the country’s poverty you are in might be another cause.
Any chance that you could be lucky and skilled enough to get out of it and have more time with pursuing waifu collection.
Well, all I can say for now, I have no rights to cheer depressed people, but I can at least add a glimmer of hope to it.
Beth
Silly Pony - Celebrated the 13th anniversary of MLP:FIM, and 40 years of MLP!
Shimmering Smile - Celebrated the 10th anniversary of Equestria Girls!
Solar Supporter - Fought against the New Lunar Republic rebellion on the side of the Solar Deity (April Fools 2023).
Elements of Harmony - Had an OC in the 2022 Community Collab
Tree of Harmony - Drew someone's OC for the 2022 Community Collab
Verified Pegasus - Show us your gorgeous wings!
Preenhub - We all know what you were up to this evening~
Philomena - For helping others attend the 2021 community collab
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.
A Tale For The Ages - Celebrated MLP's 35th Anniversary and FiM's 8th Anniversary

In digital purgatory
apparently I’ve been being pretty toxic with no point. black pill junkie.
I don’t have a lot of faith in the world. I think evil controls the world. Trying to learn to coexists with evil, I start fetishizing evil. Saying this doesn’t actually mean anything or fix anything though.
I feel alienated because I impulsively scoff at positive ideas with little constructive input.
Someone on twitter says I need to stay off the drugs, but I’m so far into the drugs, I am the drugs. I’m still crazy sober or not.
I don’t think black pill should just refer to socialsexual hiarchy and incels, it should refer to all forms of learned hopelessness. I’ll redefine doomers, without calling myself a supreme gentlemen or shooting up a school ofc.
My gf has actually helped me a lot. I slow my roll around her, and I’m not so dark and negative, i try to protect her with positive ideas even though it’s not in my nature. I don’t want to be an emotional leech, or use someone else as my only reason to live though.
I should try to look for badheart. I just asked a mod about him.
I been doing nothing but watching videos of people getting shot and committing suicide by cop. Leave your guns at home, it’s not worth it.
Elidiotadelaesquina
Shimmering Smile - Celebrated the 10th anniversary of Equestria Girls!
Lunar Guardian - Earned a place among the ranks of the most loyal New Lunar Republic soldiers (April Fools 2023).
Roseluck - Had their OC in the 2023 Derpibooru Collab.
Artist -

Stupid idiot
Looks like you are getting into a nihilistic state of mind; nothing matters and doing anything is meaningless.
I essentially consider myself an “absurd” person, but anyway.
I guess the country’s poverty you are in might be another cause.
I don’t know to what extent that can influence my state, I guess it does.
Thank you for your comment, It’s been difficult since the pandemic season.
UnderwoodART
Shimmering Smile - Celebrated the 10th anniversary of Equestria Girls!
Lunar Supporter - Helped forge New Lunar Republic's freedom in the face of the Solar Empire's oppressive tyrannical regime (April Fools 2023).
Crystal Roseluck - Had their OC in the 2023 Derpibooru Collab.
Princess of Love - Extra special version for those who participated in the Canterlot Wedding 10th anniversary event by contributing art.
Elements of Harmony - Had an OC in the 2022 Community Collab
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Magical Inkwell - Wrote MLP fanfiction consisting of at least around 1.5k words, and has a verified link to the platform of their choice
Kinship Through Differences - Celebrated the 11th anniversary of MLP:FIM!
Twinkling Balloon - Took part in the 2021 community collab.
An Artist Who Rocks - 100+ images under their artist tag

Just Another Pink Pony
@Beth
And yet you have a girlfriend, so you can’t be that fucked up. I’ve been single for a decade, and after a significant change to myself, I would say anything before that doesn’t matter anyway, what little it was.
You should probably kick the drugs though, especially if they don’t even help anymore.
Stop looking at the big picture and feeling helpless about it, and try to enact change on a smaller scale–something you can change.
See what you actually have, because it’s more than you might realise–more than what others have, and I’m not talking about third-world shit. Someone loves you. That counts for a lot.
Fingers crossed for Badheart.
Background Pony #7DD0
@Elidiotadelaesquina
Your welcome.
Oh, and life has always been tough, the pandemic deliver mixed results, work-from-home is a true bless, while on the other hand, the obvious curse is having to be more cautious going outside.
𝐒𝐞𝐚𝐫
Silly Pony - Celebrated the 13th anniversary of MLP:FIM, and 40 years of MLP!
Thread Starter - Started a thread with over 100 pages
Shimmering Smile - Celebrated the 10th anniversary of Equestria Girls!
Lunar Guardian - Earned a place among the ranks of the most loyal New Lunar Republic soldiers (April Fools 2023).
Flower Trio - Helped others get their OC into the 2023 Derpibooru Collab.
Roseluck - Had their OC in the 2023 Derpibooru Collab.
King Sombra - Celebrated the 10th anniversary of The Crystal Empire!
A Lovely Nightmare Night - Celebrated the 12th anniversary of MLP:FIM!
Princess of Love - Extra special version for those who participated in the Canterlot Wedding 10th anniversary event by contributing art.
Tree of Harmony - Drew someone's OC for the 2022 Community Collab

seventh layer of hair
I just watched the whole ATC transcriptions between the control tower, an (F-15?) pilot, and the Alaska Airlines baggage handler during the theft of a Horizon Air Dash Q400 over Seattle-Tacoma area. The way what he was doing during those moments is soooo terrifyingly calm as if he has nothing left to lose in his life anymore. He talks to those guys like they know each other while the people on the control tower maintained their cool and professionalism while talking down a guy who is clearly suicidal.
(also, that barrel roll he did was the ultimate middle finger on his lifelong sorrows…a plane wasn’t meant to do that maneuver being flown by a guy who plays video games, even pilots were impressed!)
Well, today is the fourth anniversary of the great infamous “Sky King”.
I feel that one of, if not the strongest message of Beebo’s story is this: a person can be born and raised in a good family and life, find and marry the love of your life who miraculously loves you back, be physically capable, spiritually strong, have ability to travel, vacation, have the support of family and friends, and most importantly have a naturally positive and loving approach to life - and depression can STILL creep into the mind, take over without all the tell-tale signs that society tells us to be aware of, and bring you to end that good life that so many in this world are desperate to have. Injuries to the mind such as multiple concussions, traumatic events both physically and mentally, are still nowhere near being fully understood. And access to mental health help is everywhere, sure - but we are still working on moving our society past the concept of mental health awareness and into mental health acceptance- where it’s no longer about knowing these issues are out there but we’ve built the awareness into our society’s systems and content to the point that it’s no longer disruptive or detrimental to a person’s life, family, and work to address their mental health. Beebo’s mental health, any treatment or therapy he may or may not have leveraged, may not be known to us as the random public - but his story, to me, continues as proof that depression and other mental health conditions, are impossible to dismiss or be satisfied by the idea that having a good life with loving and supportive family/friends, having a strong spiritual connection to God, and opportunities all around. The brain is a scary thing and we have a lot still to learn about it, and about us as a people.
Btw, I drew a ponified version of Beebo as a tribute and memoriam to his glorious yet tragic actions.
Rest In Peace, ya crazy Space Cowboy! 😭
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