> I thought you where referencing fallout
I actually have never played it. The apocalyptic genre never worked for me. I was always much more invested in games like Asheron's Call ... that's where all my friends were, too, so I never even tried Fallout or other games in that set.
Plus we were too busy killing each other in Marathon around that time, if I recall correctly. That or Quake.
I did play GURPS roleplaying games, so I'm familiar with some of the mechanics, but the story line never grabbed me.
And for the rest of the stuff, you seem fine. People who can articulate their issues are rarely the problem.