Mr100dragon100 
reformation is the best
[@Cosmas-the-Explorer](/forums/writing/topics/fanfic-writing-general?post_id=5302992#post_5302992)
my problem is that i don't want to come off as mean and i don't think is necessary to what they said but here is a more updated version
*On a cold November night, Edward Hyde and his friends had already left the pub with their bags of new cloaths. They smiled and teased Edward lightly for his encounter with a prostitute mare. Dracula shook his head before the ponies at their playful behaviour, but he also laughed secretly.*
*Oh, she likes you. Griffin exclaimed cheerfully.*
*Edward blushed brightly and said: I am not sure about that. In a small voice.*
*Come on, did she tell you she wanted to see you again? Adam asked, his eyes lighting up with excitement.*
*Edward stared at the ground. There was a slight quietening in his voice. Yes, she did.*
*Well, what happened? asked Thomas*
*Well, said Edward, it happened like this. He took a deep breath and began his story.*
*Edward thinks back and explains his encounter with the mare at the pub and table where he had his conversation with the unicorn mare.*
*I was a bit nervous, but I eventually talked to her.*
*Her name was Elizabeth, and she was 44 years old. However, she looked like she was in her 20s, with long dark hair and a white coat with a small birthmark on her right cheek.*
*I talked with her for a while, and we got to know each other. But when it was time to depart, I had to leave.*
*But then she said with a smile on her face.*
*I had a great time. I would like to see you again.*
*I was astounded. Likewise, I told Elizabeth that I wanted to see her again too.*
*We said our goodbyes, and we all left.*
*So, how was she? Ask Erik with a smile.*
*She was wonderful. Edward responded with an incredulous tone in his voice.*
*I'm grateful you had a good time. Said, Matthew*
*Edward looked down and away with uncertainty and sadness as he said, Yes, I do too.*
*They all walked back home together, and once there, they all headed to their rooms to set up their clothes.*
*Edward turned on a lamp at his desk and wondered and thought about his time with Elizabeth. He was sitting in bed with his bags next to him.*
*Edward, Please do not let your doubt get the best of you.*
*Jekyll, who shared the same body as Hyde, saw how doubtful Hyde was. So, he wanted to reassure him that
everything was going to be okay.*
*How can I not be doubtful? I do not desire what happened years ago when I met a mare to occur again.*
*Edward sadly replied.*
*But Edward, this is a different mare; she will not be like that one. Elizabeth wants to see you again, said Henry.*
*She said it so kindly, not seductively. Do you think there is a chance? Edward asked, hopefully.*
*I am sure there is, Edward, said Jekyll.*
*Edward looked back at his time with her, and his confidence rose.*
*I want to see her again; perhaps this will turn out well. Said, Edward.*
*I am sure it will, said Jekyll reassuring Hyde.*
*Edward got up and tried to find a place to put his and Henry's clothes as they lived without a closet or drawer to put clothes on.*
i was hoping every day (well night really) so the love can grow but once a week is alright i guess idk
also idk what else to add here
*I talked with her for a while, and we got to know each other. But when it was time to depart, I had to leave.*
i want something more, as in they laughed about something funny.
something more than just that they got to know each other, i added the smiling bit thanks to another commenter.
but i want to keep info about Elizabeth for later so the readers get to know her more (like the idea that she looks like she's in her 20s due to wanting to keep healthy) but idk, maybe Elizabeth would explain that she lives in the place she worked or maybe hinting at that because again i want to keep details about her backstory till later
good thing i tried to look for places to correct my wording and have better, excitement to the wording since this takes place in the victorian era i want the words to be more elegant but i hope it's still ok
my problem is that i don't want to come off as mean and i don't think is necessary to what they said but here is a more updated version
*On a cold November night, Edward Hyde and his friends had already left the pub with their bags of new cloaths. They smiled and teased Edward lightly for his encounter with a prostitute mare. Dracula shook his head before the ponies at their playful behaviour, but he also laughed secretly.*
*Oh, she likes you. Griffin exclaimed cheerfully.*
*Edward blushed brightly and said: I am not sure about that. In a small voice.*
*Come on, did she tell you she wanted to see you again? Adam asked, his eyes lighting up with excitement.*
*Edward stared at the ground. There was a slight quietening in his voice. Yes, she did.*
*Well, what happened? asked Thomas*
*Well, said Edward, it happened like this. He took a deep breath and began his story.*
*Edward thinks back and explains his encounter with the mare at the pub and table where he had his conversation with the unicorn mare.*
*I was a bit nervous, but I eventually talked to her.*
*Her name was Elizabeth, and she was 44 years old. However, she looked like she was in her 20s, with long dark hair and a white coat with a small birthmark on her right cheek.*
*I talked with her for a while, and we got to know each other. But when it was time to depart, I had to leave.*
*But then she said with a smile on her face.*
*I had a great time. I would like to see you again.*
*I was astounded. Likewise, I told Elizabeth that I wanted to see her again too.*
*We said our goodbyes, and we all left.*
*So, how was she? Ask Erik with a smile.*
*She was wonderful. Edward responded with an incredulous tone in his voice.*
*I'm grateful you had a good time. Said, Matthew*
*Edward looked down and away with uncertainty and sadness as he said, Yes, I do too.*
*They all walked back home together, and once there, they all headed to their rooms to set up their clothes.*
*Edward turned on a lamp at his desk and wondered and thought about his time with Elizabeth. He was sitting in bed with his bags next to him.*
*Edward, Please do not let your doubt get the best of you.*
*Jekyll, who shared the same body as Hyde, saw how doubtful Hyde was. So, he wanted to reassure him that
everything was going to be okay.*
*How can I not be doubtful? I do not desire what happened years ago when I met a mare to occur again.*
*Edward sadly replied.*
*But Edward, this is a different mare; she will not be like that one. Elizabeth wants to see you again, said Henry.*
*She said it so kindly, not seductively. Do you think there is a chance? Edward asked, hopefully.*
*I am sure there is, Edward, said Jekyll.*
*Edward looked back at his time with her, and his confidence rose.*
*I want to see her again; perhaps this will turn out well. Said, Edward.*
*I am sure it will, said Jekyll reassuring Hyde.*
*Edward got up and tried to find a place to put his and Henry's clothes as they lived without a closet or drawer to put clothes on.*
i was hoping every day (well night really) so the love can grow but once a week is alright i guess idk
also idk what else to add here
*I talked with her for a while, and we got to know each other. But when it was time to depart, I had to leave.*
i want something more, as in they laughed about something funny.
something more than just that they got to know each other, i added the smiling bit thanks to another commenter.
but i want to keep info about Elizabeth for later so the readers get to know her more (like the idea that she looks like she's in her 20s due to wanting to keep healthy) but idk, maybe Elizabeth would explain that she lives in the place she worked or maybe hinting at that because again i want to keep details about her backstory till later
good thing i tried to look for places to correct my wording and have better, excitement to the wording since this takes place in the victorian era i want the words to be more elegant but i hope it's still ok