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Fanfic Writing General

Cosmas-the-Explorer
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Explorer in Training
@Mr100dragon100
It seems she has no official name. She is referred to by different names for advertising but nothing official.
You can check this Fimfiction post I asked for more info.
I dont think she is ever called any name in the show except for where Rainbow said “Careful Derpy!” which was later replaced with Rainbow not calling Derpy any name.
Personally I think for clarity for other readers, you should just call her Derpy. But if you want to call her Muffins then fine but be sure to specify that Muffins is Derpy since some might not be aware.
Mr100dragon100
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reformation is the best
@Cosmas-the-Explorer
alright, maybe i can say derpy is official but you know what happened (i think the whole event is silly, but what can you do) so ya i should stick with derpy, besides it sounds nice think of it as a cute nickname i think
bigladiesman
Non-Fungible Trixie -
My Little Pony - 1992 Edition
Not a Llama - Happy April Fools Day!
Speaking Fancy - For helping with translations

El retorn de Jan
I know this isn’t supposed to be the post to ask for this, but I feel bad about opening a new thread for such a trivial reason. You see, I’m looking for an old fic that tickled my fancy several years ago: I only remember it being some kind of A Canterlot Wedding fix fic, and featured Twily suddenly turning into a major alicorn as seen on the last G4 episode out of sheer wrath and an episode featuring a quite exciting fight between a raging Twilight and one of the Mane 6 - or was it Cadence? - in a Canterlot disco.
Can anyone help?
Thanks in advance.
Mr100dragon100
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reformation is the best
what do you call a description for a story that goes like
“in a world” or “will they get out of this alive? found out soon” for a book so i can make the reader invested
Mr100dragon100
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reformation is the best
ya becuase i want or in this case a “will they, won’t they” type of thing since this is a romance, but I’m going to need a lot of help to avoid it being cheezy, maybe I’ll go for the “hook” term and see if i can find anything on how to write a good one, because is like a description or summary about what the story is about but leave the readers wondering if they are going to get together
Mr100dragon100
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reformation is the best
i wrote this for an introductory hook and i want to know what you think of it, what should i add or take away and whether should i add a quote or not?
Hearts Restored is a romance story about two ponies named Elizabeth rose and Edward hyde who years ago had their hearts broken, both had difficulties in life, yet one day at a pub, they found each other, how will they find love despite knowing their past, and will they get through it together?
i want to avoid it being cheezy or anything that might make the reader go “ewww” due to how sappy it is so i need help so i know if I’m doing well or not
Cosmas-the-Explorer
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Notoriously Divine Tagger - Consistently uploads images above and beyond the minimum tag requirements. And/or additionally, bringing over the original description from the source if the image has one. Does NOT apply to the uploader adding several to a dozen tags after originally uploading with minimum to bare tagging.

Explorer in Training
@Mr100dragon100
I am not an expert at fanfiction or especially marketing in fanfiction but I would not mind there beinf a sappy direction. People might see it as a stylistic choice.
I think it might be nice to have a quote.
Also don’t call your story a romance story that sounds a little dry. Maybe call it “a story about love”.
And you might want to describe about them then just the pub. Maybe give a conflict or some idea of what your story will be like like maybe an adventure.
edit: Side note: Will this story be a comic or fanfic. And if a fanfic have you ever considered writing on Fimfiction
Mr100dragon100
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reformation is the best
@Cosmas-the-Explorer
well i was thinking of writing a fanfic (but i would not see it as one due to not having anypony from the show but there are oc fanfics i think so eh whatever) but is in the description of a single artwork piece so i can take a break from comics for a bit
i don’t want to write on Fimfiction because I’m not a professional writer and i made a few mistakes before. hopefully, I’ve improved but since I’m writing a love story i don’t want any harsh comments if i did not do a good job especially again I’m not a professional so i write here and get feedback on ideas before writing them so i know I’m doing the love story and the interaction between the characters well and my ideas are ok or if i should change them
and i think what i wrote is enough since this is a continuation of the previous story
but i will change it to a story about love instead of romance
Mr100dragon100
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reformation is the best
ok so i am making a story about love and I’m starting the story at the moment after the main guy and girl integrated and the guy left the pub and his friends were playfully teasing him saying that the girl likes him, the guy was a bit shy but later on he decides to see her again.
how should the second page play out, i got the idea that he sees her again but what should happen, should they just talk, should i imply that they kept seeing each other at the same table to hang out, should they start going out, what should i do so the story won’t be rushed but makes the female character more then just a love interest
NotYourPony

@Mr100dragon100
If you don’t want the story to move too fast, this might be a good time to introduce the characters to the readers. And then, at the next, perhaps random meeting, we will have a complete picture of how the main guy and girl could interact. If you doubt some part of the text, try reproducing it using this text-to-speech tool https://phdessay.com/read-my-essay/ and then you will have an idea of what to correct. I have been using this tool since I was in college and find it very useful when writing texts.
Mr100dragon100
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reformation is the best
this is a rough draft of page 1, there could be lots of mistakes and weird stuff so let me show you the story and let me point out things i wanted to convey
It was a cold November night, Edward hyde and his friends had already left the pub, with their bags of new cloaths
hanging on their sides, they were smiling and teasing Edward light-heartedly for his encounter with a prostitute mare, Dracula shook his head at the ponies at their playful behaviour, but secretly laughed as well
“oh~ she likes you,” said Griffin.
Edward blushed “now, I don’t know about that” Said Edward.
“Come on, did she tell you she wanted to see you again?” Adam asked.
Edward looked down “yes she did,” Edward said in a slightly quiet voice
“Well what happened?” said Thomas
“Well,” said Edward “it happened like this”
Edward thinks back and explains his encounter with the mare at the pub and the table where he had his conversation with the unicorn mare.
“I was somewhat nervous, yet I managed to talk to her. Her name was Elizabeth. She is 44 though she looks like she’s in her 20s, long dark hair and a white coat with a small birthmark on her right cheek”
We continued talking for a while, though once it was time for us to leave, I told her I had to leave.
But then she said.
“I had a great time. I would like to see you again.”
I was surprised. I told her that I would like to see her again too
We said our goodbyes and we all left.
“So how was she?” asked Erik.
“She was wonderful,” said Edward
“I’m glad you had a good time,” said Matthew
“yes, me too,” said Edward
They all walked back home, and once there they all headed back to their rooms to set up their clothes.
Edward turned on a lamp at a desk still wondering and thinking about his time with Elizabeth, sitting in bed with his bags next to him.
“Edward please don’t feel doubt,” said Jekyll
Jekyll, though sharing the same body as Hyde, saw how doubtful Hyde was and wanted to reassure him.
“How can I not be doubtful? I don’t want what happened to me years ago when I tried to find a mare,” Edward sadly replied.
“But Edward, this is a different mare, she won’t be like that one. Elizabeth wants to see you again,” said Henry.
“she said it so kindly, not in a seductive way, do you think there could be a chance?” asked Edward.
“I’m sure there is Edward,” said Jekyll
Edward thought about the time he had spent with her, and his confidence grew.
“I do want to see her again, maybe this will turn out well,” said Edward
“I’m sure it will,” said Jekyll reassuring Hyde.
Edward got up and tried to find a place to put his and Henry’s clothes as they didn’t have a closet or drawer to put clothes in.
end page 1
things i wanted to convey
.i wanted to show Edward being shy but i want to find words that show that through next not just by saying he’s shy but with a word that shows the actions instead of telling, you know to make it more interesting
.i want to remove any unnecessary exposition but yet i want to explain what Elizabeth looks like and what happened to hyde in his previous relationship since idk if everybody read the description of the artwork that shows that and i don’t want the story to drag on if i added too much detail about what hyde and Elizabeth were talking about
.i want the conversation to match the time period (the 1890s) like the language and how they interact without making it too modern but not too complicated to read
.i want to make sure i convey hyde being curious about the idea of the relationship working but i want the text to be something well good, you know
so please help me on this because i want this to be the best love story i could do especially making the female character more than just a love interest but without having unnecessary exposition or anything that is unnecessary
also, i want hyde and Elizabeth to see each other, but how many times can it be to visit each other every night so they can hang out or every other day?
Cosmas-the-Explorer
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Notoriously Divine Tagger - Consistently uploads images above and beyond the minimum tag requirements. And/or additionally, bringing over the original description from the source if the image has one. Does NOT apply to the uploader adding several to a dozen tags after originally uploading with minimum to bare tagging.

Explorer in Training
@Mr100dragon100
Maybe Elizabeth and Edward would meet once per week?
And maybe your scene needs more lines for your your charavters and less exposition about say the characters teasing him and just actual teasing. Maybe show he stuttered to show his nervousness. Or being hesistant.
Ps I was hoping to respomd earlier.
Mr100dragon100
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reformation is the best
@Cosmas-the-Explorer
my problem is that i don’t want to come off as mean and i don’t think is necessary to what they said but here is a more updated version
On a cold November night, Edward Hyde and his friends had already left the pub with their bags of new cloaths. They smiled and teased Edward lightly for his encounter with a prostitute mare. Dracula shook his head before the ponies at their playful behaviour, but he also laughed secretly.
Oh, she likes you. Griffin exclaimed cheerfully.
Edward blushed brightly and said: I am not sure about that. In a small voice.
Come on, did she tell you she wanted to see you again? Adam asked, his eyes lighting up with excitement.
Edward stared at the ground. There was a slight quietening in his voice. Yes, she did.
Well, what happened? asked Thomas
Well, said Edward, it happened like this. He took a deep breath and began his story.
Edward thinks back and explains his encounter with the mare at the pub and table where he had his conversation with the unicorn mare.
I was a bit nervous, but I eventually talked to her.
Her name was Elizabeth, and she was 44 years old. However, she looked like she was in her 20s, with long dark hair and a white coat with a small birthmark on her right cheek.
I talked with her for a while, and we got to know each other. But when it was time to depart, I had to leave.
But then she said with a smile on her face.
I had a great time. I would like to see you again.
I was astounded. Likewise, I told Elizabeth that I wanted to see her again too.
We said our goodbyes, and we all left.
So, how was she? Ask Erik with a smile.
She was wonderful. Edward responded with an incredulous tone in his voice.
I’m grateful you had a good time. Said, Matthew
Edward looked down and away with uncertainty and sadness as he said, Yes, I do too.
They all walked back home together, and once there, they all headed to their rooms to set up their clothes.
Edward turned on a lamp at his desk and wondered and thought about his time with Elizabeth. He was sitting in bed with his bags next to him.
Edward, Please do not let your doubt get the best of you.
Jekyll, who shared the same body as Hyde, saw how doubtful Hyde was. So, he wanted to reassure him that
everything was going to be okay.
How can I not be doubtful? I do not desire what happened years ago when I met a mare to occur again.
Edward sadly replied.
But Edward, this is a different mare; she will not be like that one. Elizabeth wants to see you again, said Henry.
She said it so kindly, not seductively. Do you think there is a chance? Edward asked, hopefully.
I am sure there is, Edward, said Jekyll.
Edward looked back at his time with her, and his confidence rose.
I want to see her again; perhaps this will turn out well. Said, Edward.
I am sure it will, said Jekyll reassuring Hyde.
Edward got up and tried to find a place to put his and Henry’s clothes as they lived without a closet or drawer to put clothes on.
i was hoping every day (well night really) so the love can grow but once a week is alright i guess idk
also idk what else to add here
I talked with her for a while, and we got to know each other. But when it was time to depart, I had to leave.
i want something more, as in they laughed about something funny.
something more than just that they got to know each other, i added the smiling bit thanks to another commenter.
but i want to keep info about Elizabeth for later so the readers get to know her more (like the idea that she looks like she’s in her 20s due to wanting to keep healthy) but idk, maybe Elizabeth would explain that she lives in the place she worked or maybe hinting at that because again i want to keep details about her backstory till later
good thing i tried to look for places to correct my wording and have better, excitement to the wording since this takes place in the victorian era i want the words to be more elegant but i hope it’s still ok
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