PRODUCTION CODE: HC101
AIR DATE: 2016
Just Your Normal Everyday High Class Family - Pilot
Written By Dave33333
We start up in on a mansion party in the night, we see a teenage boy run up to a diving board, underneath it… a vat of chocolate pudding…
The teenage boy jumps into the pudding, the camera zooms out, showing a horrific scene.
What we see here is several different terrors, a woman being chased by a deer, which on the back of it is a young girl.
Fancy Lady: AHHHHH!
????: RIDE EM’, BAMBI, RIDE!
Next to that, a wrestler flipping over a table with an ice sculpture, tea, and alcohol. In which a beer drinking EASCAR fan ran up to it, and fell to his knees.
EASCAR Fan: (Sobbing) IT WAS TOO SOON, TOO SOON!
?????: WOO! They call you “The Destroyer” for a reason!
We move up to another table, in which an overweight child hoards a chocolate fountain. People try walking up to it, but hisses.
??????: (Hissing) NO! It’s all mine! MINE! (Whispering) Oh, what sugary goodness…
He rubbed his face in the fountain, drinking the chocolate like crazy.
We then move up to a horrified host who didn’t know what to do. His wife ran up to him.
???????: Oh, Daniel, you have to do something about our children!
The camera zoomed up to Daniel’s face.
Daniel: (Narrating) I know what you’re thinking, “What a horrible father…”. But let me tell you this: When you’re a rich billionaire with a wife and five children, what are you going to expect? And yes, I know this looks like a horror show, or to some of you, just of those one big party scenes you see from those Adam Sandler movies, or even one big SNL skit… But please, give me some time to explain myself, okay?
We rewind a day back, where the camera shows a large street with mansions.
Daniel: This… is where I live… 1348 Celestial Lane, Las Pegasus, nice looking place, right?
We go into Daniel’s bedroom, the camera lands on a stallion with a wrecked mane, drooling.
Daniel: That… is me, the man who looks like a train wreck when he’s sleeping. You’d think that with the money I have, I’d taken care of that… Well, unlike the rest of my spoiled little family… I am different. Unlike them, I don’t waste my money on stuff I don’t need.
Daniel wakes up and walks to the window, pulls out the curtains, and opens the window, his wife hisses, and checks the clock, saying 6:17 A.M.
???????: Daniel, why so early…
Daniel: Hey, when I get up, I get up!
???????: Well don’t wake me up, If I don’t get 10 hours of beauty sleep, I’ll look like an old lady.
Daniel: That hissing beauty sleeper you see there is my wife, Danielle, and yeah, you can make fun of me all you want about her name being close to mine, and me marrying her because I’m rich and stupid. But I liked her for her brains, not her looks. She was pretty smart, a bit of a geek, but smart, but that was before my great fortune came in and fried her brain. I know that sounds cruel, but it’s true, when it came in, she began wearing make up like crazy, at first, she used a bit too much, ah, I’m safe in my head, she looked like Frankenstein’s Bride. And within a week, she got the hang of it. And now she looks like a supermodel, but like all supermodel’s, she got spoiled.
Daniel: Well sorry for being the early bird.
Danielle: Either you go back to bed or I’m kicking you out.
Daniel: I was going to leave anyway and make myself breakfast. Have fun with your beauty sleep…
He walked out, and he heard his wife mumbling.
Daniel: I heard the mumbling!
He started going down the stairs.
Daniel: I know, I forgot to introduce myself, and how I got here and all that junk… So, I’ll explain using the extra time I have here, which is me going down the stairs, and making breakfast, and yadda yadda yadda… My name is Daniel DuBoux, I am the first billionaire since my great-grandfather went and struck oil, and which the flow of it was so strong, he went up into the air, crashed, and broke his arms and legs. How I got my billions was through casinos. No, I’m not a gambler, but if I was, my billions would have been wasted already through a game of blackjack. I opened a small casino in Las Pegasus 5 years ago, and, like that, a bunch of idiots with money to waste on their gambling habits cane pouring in, I was making a lot of money, and they were wasting a lot of theirs. And within 4 years time, it became what entrepreneurs call “An enterprise”. Just last month, my family moved here into this mansion, and personally, I didn’t want that, but, you can guess who made me do it…
Daniel poured a bowl of cereal and an overweight kid came running in.
Daniel: That overweight child of mine you see there is the same one who stuffed his face into a chocolate fountain, he’s my second to youngest son, Jeffery. I love the kid, I mean, he isn’t really spoiled, except when it comes to the McRib, or a cheeseburger, or any food for a matter of fact, with fruits and veggies being the exception. And he has real trouble with portion sizes; I’m actually amazed that hasn’t failed Physical Fitness in school once!
Daniel: Hey, this is my cereal, make your own!
Jeffery: But I can’t! My fingers are like sausages! Oh, man… sausages…
He then made two bowls of cereal, and then tried to test him.
Daniel: Can you at least pour the milk in?
Jeffery sighed, grabbing the milk jug, in which he fell to the floor.
Jeffery: Why is this so heavy!
Daniel: I can not believe that you can climb a rope in Phys Ed, yet not be able hold a frigging milk jug!
Jeffery: That was yesterday, Dad! I lost all my strength! It’s the weekend now, so I need to use it to recharge! If I don’t, I’ll fail health class, and then I’ll have to repeat the 5th grade!
Daniel: Uh, it’s the beginning of summer vacation…
Jeffery: Wait, it is?
Daniel: Yeah… When was the last time you checked the calendar?
Jeffery: I don’t know…
Daniel: And sometimes… it’s like he’s dumb as a box of rocks…
A young girl came downstairs, she looked like her mother, she had make up on her.
????: Ugh, will you two shut up and let me sleep.
Daniel: It’s not my fault you got up…
Daniel: That is my only daughter, Michelle. She was the one riding a frigging deer. She’s our third to youngest… Man, why is she wearing make up at 6 in the morning?! Curse my wife… Away from the, Michelle loves animals, and I mean she REALLY loves them and maybe a little too much…
We go into the past, the camera shows Michelle making two bunnies kiss.
Michelle: Come on! You love each other…
They refused to kiss.
Michelle: (Angry} I SAID YOU LOVE EACH OTHER!
She presses them hard against each other, almost killing them.
Daniel: See what I mean? She’s a nut! Those two bunnies got their arms and legs broken thanks to her! And it wasn’t because they struck oil…
We move down to Michelle’s nightgown, it had a deer on it.
Daniel: Okay, there was one detail I forgot, her obsession to which animal changes. And the rate it shifts is unknown, trust me, I tried to figure how long I have until that obsession ends and a new one begins. Why do I even care? Well…
We zoom down to Michelle getting a pet turtle as a Christmas gift, she was wearing bunny pajamas.
Michelle: DAD! I’M INTO BUNNIES NOW!
Daniel: But… you liked turtles yesterday…
Michelle: Yeah, and that burned off back at 4:00 A.M!
She lets out a frustrated groan, and stormed out.
Daniel: And you can blame Animal Planet for that. I should’ve never bought satellite television…
Daniel: So, you like deer now?
Michelle: NOW YOU NOTICE!
Daniel: Shhh! Supermodel up there is having her “Beauty sleep”, wake her up and were all dead! Remember last time? She looked like an old lady when we got her up at 1:00 A.M
Daniel and the two kids shivered.
Jeffery: The horror…
Daniel: That’s right, so you two keep quiet, alright?
The two nodded. Shortly after, a teenage boy came down; he seemed to be eating a can of chips.
Daniel: That’s the kid you saw cannonball into a pool of pudding. He’s also the oldest of my children. This is my now freshman son, Oscar. I’m pretty amazed at how he goes and keeps going up a grade, narrowly… He’s your practical 15 year old football playing C student.
Daniel: Uh, Oscar, where’d you get that can of chips?
Crumbs start to escape his mouth.
Daniel: Oh, that’s just great… Remember that EASCAR fan you saw earlier? Yeah, his name is Bill Tinford. He lives in the mansion across the street, and he didn’t even earn the money! He won it in the lottery, in a frigging run down gas station that sells sushi, no less! The funny thing about it is that his divorce finalized the day before he won it! He kind of showed off at his ex-wife… On a web cam, I might add.
We go back some time, going into an empty mansion, with nothing but Bill sitting on a milk crate looking at a laptop held up with another milk crate, looking at his ex-wife’s face.
Bill: Oh, I guess you want me back now, don’t you? Since I got my newfound money, don’t cha’? (Excited) Well guess what, little lady; you aren’t getting any of it! HA HA! None, lady! NONE! HA HA HA HA!
He blows a raspberry at her.
Daniel: Yeah… I don’t know how, but he found a loophole and now he doesn’t have to pay alimony. But his wife dose… That’s actually pretty funny. Too bad he’s trying to spend it on an EASCAR team.
Daniel: Bill? What the heck are you doing with Bill?!
Oscar: He has a big HDTV! Football, baseball, hockey, you name it! All in high quality 1080p resolution! Bill’s a pretty awesome dude.
Daniel: Oscar, Bill is older then me, he’s balding, and dose nothing but drink beer and watch EASCAR!
Oscar: I rub his bald head for good luck! On a day I had to take a test, I rubbed his head and got a B-!
Daniel: Now I’m starting to think Oscar is dumber than Jeffery when he finds out the McRib is back…
Daniel: Oscar, what do you plan to do this summer?
Oscar: Oh, that’s easy!
Daniel: So… What are your plans for the summer?
Oscar: Watch TV and hang out with Bill.
Daniel: That confirmed it…
Daniel shook his head. And around the same time, a kid who’s just about the same age as Oscar came down, wearing an IWF (International Wrestling Federation) shirt.
?????: Hey, what am I missing out on?
Jeffery: Oscar telling Dad his summer vacation plans.
Michelle: (Smiling) Dad noticing I like deer know!
Oscar: Dad finding out this chip can is Bill’s.
Oscar checked if there was anything left in the can, he tried to get the last crumbs, but Daniel took the can and threw it into the garbage.
Daniel: This is the one you saw with this wrestler fellow called “The Destroyer”; he is my third to youngest son, Ben. I don’t know why, but he really seems to like wrestling, a lot…
We 14 years back, when Ben was just a young baby, at this point he could walk, and was close to speaking at the age of a newborn. He was in his crib, the camera moves over to Daniel on a poker table, with some of his friends, who smoked and had beer while, well, playing poker. One of his friends had turned on wrestling.
TV: AND HERE WE HAVE TODAY, THE RECORD BREAKING WESTLER WITH 5 BELTS ON HIM, THE GREAT, THE GLORIOUS, “THE DESTROYER”!
Ben: (Cooing) D-destroyer…
Daniel heard this and went opened mouthed at his son’s first word, but if “Destroyer” was his first word, his wife (Unspoiled at the time) was going to kill him, it could be even worse if his wife finds out he took his son with him so he could play poker.
Daniel: Sorry, I have to fold, take my $50!
Daniel quickly ran to the crib, picking up his son.
Daniel: Quick, say “Dada”.
Ben pointed at Daniel.
Daniel: Good, now were going to make sure mama think this is your first word, okay?
Ben nodded; it was like he understood what he was saying.
Daniel: Let’s go home.
Daniel and Ben shortly left.
Daniel: Though, he liked poker a lot, too… Oh, man, now I remember why… Man, I hope Ben didn’t tell Danielle.
Ben: So, like usual, nothing… Why is everyone up at 6:00 A.M?
Oscar: I genuinely don’t know.
Daniel: I got up, and in a ripple effect, you all got up…
One last child came down the stairs; he was a young stallion, at the age of 6. He yawned and stretched.
????????: Morning, what’s for breakfast?
He sat down on a chair and stretched. The four children stared at him.
Oscar: Oh, man, its dads clone…
Daniel: Well, it wasn’t a clone; this is the only child you haven’t seen. And he is the youngest of my 5 children, Daniel. Jr. Amazingly, he is not one bit spoiled, it’s pretty amazing. It’s like this: You only get one perfect child, and when you lose hope in having one, poof, you have one. He’s like me… When he gets up, he gets up, but when it’s in the middle of the night and gets up, he makes breakfast and watches The X-Files… Though when I was his age, I got up, made breakfast, and watched Battlestar Galactica. Hey, like father, like son.
Daniel: Hey, he isn’t ‘My clone’, he’s my son!
Daniel: I know it’s wrong to pick favorites, but he is my favorite son. If I die, I’m giving all of my billions to him, if that fails, Jeffery, and if that fails… Aw, screw it; I’m giving it to Bill…
Daniel. Jr: Correct.
Ben rolled his eyes and went in to the cabinet and dug into a box of Pop Tarts. He took a pack out and opened it.
Daniel: Are you going to eat dose raw?
Ben: Yeah, I rather eat them raw than be stuck with… Him…
He pointed at Daniel, Jr, and walked out.
Instead of him taking a pack out, Jeffery took the whole box and walked out.
Oscar Uh… I’m going to Bill’s house; I heard he got the Sumo Wrestling Channel on his large satellite.
Daniel: How are you going to get in? If you break into his house, that’s breaking and entering.
He shook keys at him.
Daniel: How did yo-
Daniel stopped himself, the answer was obvious.
Oscar: Ok, don’t care, bye!
He ran out, in his underwear.
Daniel: Yeah, should have stopped him… Eh, he’ll learn a life lesson for leaving in his underwear out in public.
Michelle: Uh, I’m going to get some beauty sleep.
She went up the stairs. Which lead to Daniel looking down at his heir, well, son…
Daniel: I guess that leaves you and me.
Daniel. Jr smiled.
We accelerate 6 hours later; at this point everyone was up except for Danielle. And they were doing what they usually do in the house, except for Oscar, who was at Bill’s house.
Daniel: Ah, noon, probably the best time in the house. Except for the fact that everyone is antisocial to one another, but hey, what are you going to expect from a spoiled family.
Everyone was keeping away from each other, always claiming their own private space in the house, when one went into another’s space, they freak out and a fight breaks out.
Daniel: Within the first week of moving in, they took their own space, and split it up to one another, and I have to go with it. So, me and Daniel. Jr claim the living room and TV. Jeffery obviously took the kitchen and I think that took its toll on the food supply in the house. Michelle took the garden, and animals are rampant in that place, Oscar, well, didn’t get involved and took Bill’s house. Ben takes his room, keeping himself isolated from the real world and watching wrestling videos online. And my wife took the bed, and the bathroom, just to try and keep her pretty nipped and tucked face so beautiful. It’s kind of sad that I even participate in this, but due to my wife giving my kids whatever I want even though I say no… I just go in and just watch it blow up in her face. Though, that hasn’t happened yet.
Finally, Danielle goes down the stairs, wearing a morning gown.
Daniel: It isn’t morning, it’s noon.
Danielle: Humph, downer.
Daniel: (Mumbling to himself) Humph, spoiler.
Danielle: I heard that!
Daniel: And I meant it!
Daniel. Jr: (Whispering) Uh, dad, isn’t that bad for your marriage?
Daniel: (Whispering back) Son, this kind of thing isn’t bad. I’m just telling the truth to your mom.
Daniel: Yeah, I’m starting to consider marriage counseling.
Danielle began to walk up to Daniel.
Danielle: Uh, honey, can I talk to you for a minute?
Daniel: Oh, boy, whenever she says “Honey”, she’s going to be asking for something big.
Daniel: Uh, yeah, sure.
He gets up, and Danielle begins to drag him to the bedroom.
Daniel: What do you want? Gold? Diamonds? Shoes? What is it?
Danielle: I want to throw a housewarming party for us.
Daniel: What? Why? We’re not new here.
Danielle: I know, but our neighbors don’t really know is, except for Pinford.
Daniel: It’s Tinford, and isn’t that a good thing? To have them not knowing our family, to show how spoiled our kids are? How spoiled my wife is? I think it’s a blessing that they don’t know us.
Danielle: Spoiled? I think that’s a bit rude, dear.
Danielle was busy putting on mascara as she said this.
Daniel: Let’s get straight to the point here: I think it’s better to have our neighbors not know us then know us at all…
Daniel: Ugh, honey is starting to get old for me now.
Danielle: The neighbors are getting suspicious of us; I don’t think they trust us…
Daniel: And I don’t care.
Danielle: Daniel, please! I want our neighbors to know us!
Daniel: Fine, maybe our neighbors will hate us so much, we can move back.
Danielle: You’re so silly!
Daniel: I meant it. At first, I thought this might get us out of the mansion. Yeah, I know it seems immature, but really, it would be the end of the spoiled era. Well, it seems I might be right, my kids, like you saw before, were wrecking the party.
Daniel: Just don’t tell our kids, alright? I don’t want them getting involved.
Daniel: Yeah, she won’t hold to that.
We accelerate 3 hours later, all members of the house are present, and they all seem excited.
Daniel: Okay, so far, it looks like the children may know… Stage 1, all finished, prepare for stage 2.
Daniel. Jr walks up to his dad.
Daniel. Jr: So, you’re throwing a party
Daniel: And it has begun!
The camera swaps between the 4 other children, one each showing a degree of anger. Oscar moans, Ben shook his head, Michelle showed an angry expression which said “You are so dead”, and Jeffery stuffed a bunch of potato chips into his mouth.
Michelle: YOU TATTLE TAIL!
Ben: You dunce…
Oscar: Wait, we’re having a party?
Jeffery: You didn’t know?
Jeffery: How do you not know?!
Oscar: I just didn’t know!
Ben: I want to change who I’m calling a dunce!
The room went quiet.
Daniel: Kids… We are having a party-
Ben: WE KNOW!
Daniel: Shut up, Ben.
Daniel: Now, we are having a party, but I didn’t want you guys to get involved…
Daniel: Because I think you’ll cause chaos.
Daniel: And here comes the boom…
And like that, all the kids, except Daniel. Jr, were set off. Jeffery just ate his problems away. Ben just walked away, ignoring the whole family, Michelle went and almost ripped the head off a poor stuffed deer, and Oscar just grunted.
Michelle: I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!
Michelle tried to charge at her father, Jeffery soon stopped him with his big fat.
Michelle: CURSE THIS FAT!
Jeffery: He, he, that tickles!
Daniel: Note to self: Send Jeffery to fat camp, and send Michelle to the juvenile delinquent house…
Oscar: I have two things to say to you two: Jeffery, you’re a fat disgusting pig…
Jeffery: HEY! THIS IS BABY FAT!
Oscar: No, it’s from all that junk food you keep under your bed…
Jeffery: (Whispering) He knows!
Daniel: I could have said that one week ago…
Oscar: And 2: Michelle, you’re a nut.
Michelle: I’LL BREAK YOUR NECK!
Jeffery stopped Michelle by hugging her.
Michelle: LET GO, FATSO!
Oscar: And 3: Dad, it’s wrong to keep secrets from us…
Daniel: Uh, Oscar, that’s three things…
Oscar: Yeah, so?
Daniel just shook his head.
Daniel: He’ll notice his mistake, if he doesn’t; there goes another 5 points off his IQ.
Daniel: Kids, you have done some pretty bad stuff in public!
Jeffery: Like what?
Daniel: Cue the clip show…
We now start up on a clip show, we go several years back, we see Daniel pulling away Michelle from a Toys R Us store.
Michelle: BUT DADDY, I WANT IT!
|We go a year forward. We see Daniel pulling away Jeffery from a Pizza Hut.
Jeffery: BUT THEY’RE PUTTING SWISS CHEESE IN THE CRUST!
We’re up to more recent times. We see Daniel and Ben sitting on the bleachers, watching a wrestling match.
Ben: COME ON, “TANKERNATOR”! YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THIS! DANG IT! I GOT MONEY ON THIS!
Daniel brings his son down.
Daniel: You did what?!
Ben: It’s nothing, Dad, just $10,000!
Ben soon stands back up. Daniel looked at his son in wonder.
Daniel: I made a note to myself that I’d check what he’s getting in his allowance, I forgot until now…
Ben: AW, YOU MORON! I’M GOING TO TEAR YOU A NEW ONE!
Ben jumped off the bleachers and tried to take out “The Tankenator”, only to hit his head on the ropes on the wrestling ring. Several people looked at Daniel, who tried to hide his face with the wrestling pamphlet he had.
We move up to a week ago, which was Oscar’s last football game of the season. They had won the game and Oscar was doing a bit of an embarrassing victory dance, he then threw his helmet down and when it hit the floor, it bounced! It hit a mare in the face, sadly, the mare was on top of a cheerleading pyramid, and it caused the rest of the mares in the pyramid to fall to the ground, hard.
Parent: Who is the father of THAT idiot?!
Daniel, who was watching this unfold from the bleachers, began to walk away, pretending Oscar wasn’t his son.
Daniel: Now do you see why I think my kids are spoiled? Yeah, we’re finally leaving this place… hopefully…
Jeffery finally let go of Michelle, as she soon sat on the couch with her arms cross, and if you looked real closely, she was the splitting image of her mother. Oscar rolled his eyes.
Oscar: That means nothing.
Daniel: No, it means a lot, if I let you kids run amok, we’d have the worse reputation of the neighborhood.
Daniel: So you wouldn’t have friends at school.
Oscar: I’ll just buy ‘em.
Daniel: OK, you won’t have any fame at school…
Oscar: I’ll just buy it.
Daniel: (Slightly unnerved) OK… You won’t have a girlfriend at school.
Oscar: I’ll just buy the hottest mare in school. I heard Jennifer got out of her awkward stage and looks hot now.
Daniel: (Officially unnerved) OK… You’d get bullied at school.
Oscar: Just buy candy bars and bribe ‘em away.
Jeffery: Oscar would make a great government worker!
Daniel: Jeffery, quiet.
Jeffery ate his problems away… again.
Daniel: Now, Oscar, what if you were made fun of by EVERYONE at school?
Ben finally came back to put an end to this.
Ben: This is getting annoying, both of you stop!
The two stopped.
Daniel: Now prepare for Stage 3…
But the kids (Once again, excluding Daniel. Jr.) wanted to be in the party, so they used their greatest weapon…
Oscar/Ben/Jeffery/Michelle: (At the top of their lungs) MOM!
Daniel and Daniel. Jr covered their ears.
Daniel: And the 3rd stage starts! And my ears hurt!
Danielle: WHATEVER YOU WANT, YOUR DAD CAN GET IT.
Oscar/Ben/Jeffery/Michelle: DAD IS THE PROBLEM!
Danielle: FINE! I’M COMING!
Danielle came down, though, she looked mad, as she was busy putting face gel on. But she was holding a wallet.
Danielle: What do you want, and how much dose is it?
Michelle: Mommy, daddy won’t let us help plan the party!
Oscar: And all it costs is our happiness!
Ben: I could care less, but these idiots would pummel me.
Jeffery: I could crush you with my baby fat, Ben; you better keep your mouth shut!
Ben: You know what? I DARE you to do it!
Jeffery prepared to crush Ben with his “Baby fat”. But Danielle stopped this from happening.
Danielle: Hey, hey, hey! We’re not having our children crush each other! Now, Daniel, why won’t you let our kids help plan the party?
Daniel: (Smart mouth tone) Oh, I don’t know, Danielle, because our kids would wreck it?
Danielle: Nonsense, Daniel! They’re little angels!
Daniel: OK, she is WAY OFF on that one…
Once again, the kids were set off. Except for Daniel. Jr, again…
Danielle: Well, I’m the one who gave birth to them, so I think I have more control over them!
Daniel: Not unless you have more mo- Yeah, don’t become them, Daniel, just clear bribery away from your head… On the bright side, at least the divorce court would give the kids to me if they saw my wife.
Daniel: Well, I make the billions, so I have more power because you wouldn’t get any of the billions if we divorced.
Danielle: I don’t remember you or me ever having that agreement. So I’ll risk it! Kids, you get to help your dad plan the party! No matter what he says!
The kids cheered.
Daniel: Wow, did my billions make her brain THAT fried?! Anyway, here comes the start of stage 4!
We once again, timeskip, we go past only 1 hour, and already plans were all over the place, different handwritings were all over the place, as the 4 children were present, and Daniel, Jr was busy playing outside.
Daniel: Oh, I wish was in the position my youngest son is right now, I wouldn’t mind playing Frisbee or tag… At least you’ll be back in your home sweet home… Prepare for Stage 5…
Daniel looked at the children arguing, at this point he had pretty much wrapped up his work.
Daniel: Well, I’m done. You kids have fun, add whatever you want! But don’t mess with my stuff, alright?
Oscar looked up, kind of shocked, all the kids looked a bit shocked.
Oscar: Is this a trap?
Daniel: Nope! Have fun!
Daniel walked out.
Daniel: Not too long now until everything goes kaboom… Hmm, maybe I’ll get my old Atari out and play “Kaboom!” That was a good game…
We go by only one hour, and the camera goes back to the children.
Ben: Oscar, why in the world would you want to have the pool filled with chocolate pudding?
Oscar: It would be awesome! I’d get so many girlfriends! Plus, I love chocolate!
Jeffery: CAN I BE IN IT?
Oscar: Hmmm… No.
Jeffery: If you’re going to be that picky, then I get a chocolate fountain all to myself!
Michelle: I love deer so much now… I’m going to rent, no, scratch that, BUY a deer for the party, and ride it!
Ben: And I’ll get my favorite wrestler in the whole world! The Destroyer! YAY, DISTRUCTION!
Oscar: And invite Bill! He’s awesome!
Daniel. Jr: This is a recipe for trouble, and I hate that…
Oscar: Shut up, clone.
Daniel. Jr: You know what, I will! I’m going to my room, and I’m going to watch you ruin our family name! Good day!
Daniel. Jr walked out of the room.
Oscar: Wow, what a buzzkill!
The four children returned to work, trying to plan out the party. We start to fast forward, like, VHS fast forward. The kids are moving faster; we see several arguments take place, which take hours to resolve, each one ending with the children compromising and shaking hands like businessmen and businesswomen. We finally stop at 6:00 P.M, the party is to start at 10:00 P.M, which means the children start to go their own paths and do their own thing.
We start up with Oscar, who walks up to Bill’s house, he would’ve knocked at the door, but it seems Bill removed it, we break to Bill, who’s trying to make a door out of lead. Oscar walks into the house.
Oscar: Uh, Bill?
Bill turns around, he looked like a coal miner, just, it wasn’t coal that was all over his face, yet looked like… #2 pencil lead?
Oscar: Why did you remove your door?
Bill: Well, my old door looked boring, so I traded the door for lead.
Oscar: But, uh, wasn’t your old door alright?
Bill: Yeah, but this one will be even better!
Oscar raised an eyebrow, he was starting to think Bill was a nut.
Bill: Because I’m going to make it a GOLDEN DOOR! Remember how those medieval folks tried to make gold out of lead?
Oscar: Yeah, but didn’t they FAIL at that?
Bill: That’s because they never figured it out! You see, with all this money I got, I may find a way to make a lead door into a golden door!
And… Oscar believed all of this malarkey.
Oscar: Awesome! But, uh, that’s why I’m not here…
Bill: Then why are you here bud’?
Oscar: We’re having some fancy party and I wanted to know if you’d come!
Oscar smiled when he said this.
Bill: Will there be beer?
Bill: I’ll do it! But, uh, can I bring home the rest of the beer home with me after the party?
Oscar: Uh, sure!
Oscar and Bill went out and to the house.
Daniel: Wow, morons think alike.
We break to Ben, who was walking up to the house of his hero, the popular wrestler, “The Destroyer”. Ben was carrying a suitcase full of cash, hurray for bribery!
Ben knocked at the door, it was pretty large, it was 8 feet tall. The door opened, a large stallion came out, he was almost as tall as the door, taller than Michael Waltrip or Bill O’Riley, or even Shaq O’Neal! Ben’s mouth had dropped at the sight of his hero, it was sort of weird to see his hero without his wrestling mask.
The Destroyer: Uh, kid? You alright?
Ben nodded his head.
The Destroyer: Why are you here?
He saw the suitcase full of money.
The Destroyer: You trying to get my autograph or something.
Ben: No, Mr. Destroyer, sir…
The Destroyer: You don’t have to call me by my professional name, call me Smith. That’s my first name.
Ben: Well, nice to meet you Smith!
Ben shook his hand.
Daniel: Ben has never shown that much respect to me before…
Smith: Well, nice to meet you too, uh…
Ben: Ben, my name’s Ben… Well, Ben DuBoux…
Smith: DuBoux? Like Daniel DuBoux? The billionaire?
Smith: Well, it’s an honor to meet his son… What’s the suitcase for?
Ben: Well, Smith, my dad is throwing this party for the neighborhood, and my dad is letting us plan it, and, uh… I wanted my hero to be there.
Smith: Well, you don’t need to bribe me, your father had done me a favor 12 years ago, and I can call it in.
Ben: That’s great!
Smith: Well then, let’s go!
Ben: You can ride my bike!
Smith: Bikes? I got a car!
Smith leads Ben over to the garage, he opens the garage door, and finds… a 2016 Dodge Charger.
Smith: C’mon! You can ride be in the front! Just, uh, wipe your feet off, I just bought it.
Ben wiped his feet off, and got in the front passenger seat. Smith got into the drivers seat, started the car up, and they drove away.
Daniel: Yeah, Ben said to me once that he’d rather have “The Destroyer” be his father and not me… And that really hurts, man. And the favor I did involved funding him, as I gave him a quarter billion. He needed it to advertise himself…
We go the Michelle; she went into the pet shop, with a cute smile on her face, and looked up at the store clerk.
Clerk: Well, hello there, how may I help you today?
Michelle: Well, I want to know where I can buy deer here. Where do you sell them?
The clerk laughed a little, Michelle’s smile faded.
Clerk: I’m sorry, you can’t buy deer…
Michelle: (A bit unstable) W-what?
Clerk: Well, we can’t sell deer. It’s against the law… Would you like to buy a turtle instead?
Michelle started to throw a temper tantrum.
Michelle: I’M INTO DEER, NOT TURTLES! YOU’RE LIKE MY DAD!
Daniel: You always think your child is going to be the next president of the United States, now… I’m not joking when I say this… But all I expect of my daughter is “Convicted Serial Killer”, “Convicted Animal Abuser” and “Convicted Animal Serial Killer”.
Michelle was then kicked out, the clerk looked scared.
We see Michelle at a petting zoo, one of the few petting zoos that still haven’t banned her. She saw a deer, walked up to it, and tackled it.
Michelle: YOU ARE MINE!
Man, she’s like an Anti-Fluttershy… The deer was putting up a fight, but she was stronger, but before she could win and take it as her own, the guards grabbed her and dragged her out.
Michelle: IT’S MINE! MINE, I TELL YOU!
Daniel: And I forgot to add “Mental Asylum Patent”…
We now see Michelle at the forest, she looked like Rambo, she had everything, and I mean EVERYTHING she needed to tame and take a deer from the woods.
Suddenly, a deer came into view, and Michelle began to set up a tranquilizer gun, aiming for the deer’s neck.
The gun was fired, and the deer fell to the ground, Michelle came to drag the deer home, the weird thing was that nobody noticed her…
As for Jeffery, he had gone into a fancy fountain shop.
Clerk: Well, hello young man, what brings you here today?
Jeffery: Well, we’re going to have this housewarming party, and we need a chocolate fountain.
Clerk: Is your mother or father here to help?
Jeffery: No, they trusted me to do the job alone.
Daniel: I knew nothing about this.
Clerk: Well, uh, I guess I’ll show you some of our models…
Jeffery was being guided by the clerk, or to Jeffery’s terms “The Chocolate Gods.”
He’s was guided to a rather small chocolate fountain.
Clerk: The first one is a Duvanti Tri-Fountain, though you might judge it for its small size, the Tri-Fountain has, well, three fountains, and each fountain sprays in 3 different directions, 1 at a time, or all of them, 1 fountain contains chocolate, the next contains white chocolate, and the last contains caramel. Though, depending on the size of your housewarming party, you may want to review the other fountains and their sizes. As the Tri-Fountain can only handle small parties.
Jeffery: What’s the biggest, most powerful fountain you got?
Clerk: Must be some big house warming party… Follow me.
Jeffery was guided to a 15 foot high fountain, it was 30 feet wide, and sounded rather like the engine of a luxury car.
Clerk: (Basically screaming) NOW WHAT WE HAVE HERE, IS THE NATVAZI 2-20-I ZUPER-FOUNTAIN! INSIDE OF THE FOUNTAIN CONTAINS 2 ENGINES, THE ENGINE’S ARE ACTUALLY A RECONSTRUCTION OF THE 2002 FERRARI ENZO ENGINE! NOT ONLY THAT, BUT IT LOOKS LIKE THE TIME SQUARE FOUNTAIN IN NEW OAT CITY! THESE RECONSTRUCTIONS AND THE SIMULAR FEATURES TO THE TRI-FOUNTAIN HAVE MADE IT RATHER EXPENCEIVE! IT IS WORTH ABOUT $750,000,000! EVEN MORE IN SEVERAL COUNTRIES DUE TO IMPORT FEES!
Jeffery’s mouth was dropping, this is the most beautiful thing he ever saw.
Jeffery: DO YOU TAKE CHECKS?
Daniel: Wait, he wasted 3/4’s of a billion dollars on a FOUNTAIN?! Oh, in the name of Luna…
We go forward a mere 15 minutes, the children have regrouped at the house, and once again, do their own thing, the 4 split the backyard into 4 sections and begin constructing. A time-lapse begins. The clock begins to speed up to at least 10:00 P.M. It seemed the people were rather aware of the party, we break to the front yard, we see Smith being an usher.
Smith: You have a ticket, sir?
Fancy Man: W-well, o-oh no, I l-lost my ticket, I-I must of l-left i-it at h-home… C-could you l-let m-me in a-anyway?
Smith picked up the man and threw him just like a football. The people in line dropped their mouths.
Smith: Lightweight here had no ticket!
The people panicked, everybody pulled their tickets out and showed them to Smith, hoping he wouldn’t throw them.
We break back to the party; we slowly move the camera around the crowd, the rich laughed while they were saying jokes that the normal person wouldn’t really understand. Some were even laugh at Bill. He ultimately threw a full beer can at one of the rich people, it bruised his head, and Bill soon picked the beer can back up, opened it, and drank from it.
Bill: Now that’s a manly beer.
Bill looked behind his back, it was a giant keg, a keg filled with beer, with kegs next to them, vodka, whisky, you name it, this was the drunk mans version of paradise.
Bill: THERE, IS, ALCOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!
Some of the rich people looked at Bill like he was an insane redneck. Others minded their own business and didn’t look or talk to him at all. Not only that, but Daniel was watching all of this from the window.
Daniel: Yeah, I’m glad I’m not down there.
We go right to Jeffery, some young kids who somehow got in were near the fountain, Jeffery hissed at them.
Jeffery: It’s my fountain you little brats!
(I’ll update this later.)
I made so much progress on this, yet it still isn’t finished, and also the fact that the whole thing hasn’t been updated for half a month…
It’s been over a month, I am updating this now.
The current fanfic is at least 80% - 90% complete, not the current one you see above, but in a later update, unless I can finish it before the end of the month.
I will update later in the month… I hope.
Background Pony #17F0
Note: All Syntax textile was removed, this is Dave.
This will soon be re-added to avoid confusion.