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“Pone support! … You say your pony is grumpy? … Have you tried booping the pony, sir?”

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Background Pony #9650
So, I tried booping the pone. All that happened was getting a closer look at her face, this isn’t a bad thing but didn’t actually solve the problem.
Podbeing

“So…. you’re the human.”
 
“Yeah. I’m the human.”
 
“Lyra can’t stop talking about you. She thinks you’re just awesome.”
 
“From that expression, that’s an opinion you don’t share.”
 
“You’re very perceptive.”
 
“Not really, it’s just that you’re not making any effort to hide it.”
 
“I’ll give you that. It’s not so much that I dislike you, exactly. I merely have, shall we say, concerns. Mister Human–”
 
“Anon, please? My name is Anon.”
 
“As you’d like, then. I have reservations, Anon. I have a certain…background, I suppose you’d say. It gives me a perspective that most ponies don’t have, or even need. Or want, really. Your kind isn’t ENTIRELY unknown here, on this world. We have records, legends of…people like yourself. Humans. Not many of them. Even the Princesses don’t know most of them, but from time to time, one of you randomly wanders in from elsewhere. Wherever it is you come from. Orth, is it?”
 
“Earth. We call it Earth.”
 
“Earth. It’s something that happens every few hundred years or so. They tend to fall into two broad categories: either they’re incredibly kind, generous and helpful, or they’re…less so. If there’s one thing your humankind is known for, it’s extremes.”
 
“I would like to point out here that we’re not easy to pigeonhole. We range the gamut from really good to unthinkably evil, just like ponies. Most of us fall in the middle somewhere, but i would like to believe that most of us fall closer to the good. Just like you.”
 
“And I believe you. But…here’s my concern. When of of you does turn out to be trouble, the damage you inflict on everything and everypony around you tends to be far, far out of proportion to almost anything almost any pony could inflict. The good humans were almost avatars of goodness and light. The bad ones were practically demonic. There’s even a couple still locked away, in the deepest pits of Tartarus. They were that dangerous. And the worst part is that it’s almost impossible to tell you apart, initially.
 
“And now, I’m told, there’s a gate that goes two ways. Princess Twilight stabilized it. You’re the first through, and more like you may–will–follow.”
 
“If it helps at all, the Princesses vouched for me.”
 
“They’re wise, but their view of things has always skewed more toward the optimistic than the practical. Which is why there are others, who are paranoid in a professional capacity. We’ve always been here, Anon, the ponies who think the thoughts other ponies can’t or won’t think, and do the things that other ponies can’t or won’t do. We live in the dark and we die in the dark, all so that the rest of ponykind-and everyONE else in this world–can live in peace. And you have our undivided attention.”
 
“You…what exactly do you do here, again?”
 
“I’m a confectioner. I make candy and sweets. Quite good ones, I think. We do a nice business, Lyra and I. You’re welcome to come to our shop anytime, if you’d like to sample our wares.”
 
“Huh..soooo….I’m being surveiled by a network of candymakers? I don’t know if I should be amazed or unnerved.”
 
“We’ll go with that. But.. something else I would like to bring up. Just one more thing.”
 
“Yes?”
 
It’s Lyra. Lyra, you see, is special to me. VERY special. She likes you, as a friend. She’s fascinated by you.”
 
“We sit around, we talk, I tell her stories, we share music. That’s it.”
 
“Yes, I know. She’s played some of your human music for me. I must admit that it’s good, most of what I’ve heard. I’m kind of partial to “Abbey Road.” But that’s beside the point. I’m going to make this painfully blunt, Anon. I know what humans are capable of, at their absolute worst. And, as I said earlier, she’s dear to me. And if you hurt her, in any way, through any means, you have my word as a contract signed that nothing on Earth or Equestria will stop me from finding you wherever you go, and–dealing with you.”
 
“I have no intention of harming her. Or allowing her to come to harm. Now OR ever. We’re friends. I’m simply living here and learning about your world, through you all. That’s it. That’s all I want to do.”
 
“So you say. As I said, Anon, we will be watching.”
 
“I’m not sure if I should be amazed or offended. I’m being threatened by an organization of candymakers?”
 
“Our chocolate is to die for. It’s not personal.”
 
“Why do you keep staring at my hands?”
 
“Curiosity. Lyra seemed quite taken with them. She said they felt amazing…they look a bit odd, to be honest.”
 
“And you.. want to feel what Lyra felt?”
 
“Call it a whim. You don’t mind?”
 
“I actually don’t, considering you just threatened to murder me if i turn into a baddie. I’m as surprised as you. But…ehh. Just lean over, just like that. Okay, ready? Here goes…”
 
“Oh…my…”
 
“See? Right there, behind the ears. That’s a really good place right there.”
 
“Oh wow. Just..wow. I’m…oh, Luna. Just…okay. that’s enough.”
 
“Good or bad?”
 
“Yes…no. I don’t…thank you. I think that’s probably enough. For now.”
 
“I’m not a monster, you know.”
 
“No…i don’t believe you are, really. As i said, it’s not personal. But I do have to go. Oh…and Anon?”
 
“Yes?”
 
“Welcome to Equestria.”  
?
Background Human
Lunar Supporter - Helped forge New Lunar Republic's freedom in the face of the Solar Empire's oppressive tyrannical regime (April Fools 2023).
Preenhub - We all know what you were up to this evening~
My Little Pony - 1992 Edition
Not a Llama - Happy April Fools Day!

CHS, Class of 20XX
If you don’t want me treating you like a cute little fuzzball, maybe you should try not being so cute. Or little. Or fuzzy. Or ball.
 
Scratch that last one.