Headcanons you're sick of

Kanye West

Thicc Thighs Connoisseur

ITT we post headcanons we’re tired of seeing. You know, the ones that are utterly retarded and piss you off.

-Shining Armor rape
-Twilight outliving her friends
-Anything having to do with Starlight coming from an abusive background or her having some kind of severe mental disorder
-Rarity being a slut/Fluttershy having a secret extremely naughty side

God the list goes on

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LightningBolt

Senior Moderator

Undead inside

-Shining Armor rape
-Twilight outliving her friends
-Anything having to do with Starlight coming from an abusive background or her having some kind of severe mental disorder

These, but also Spariy being used as an audience stand in, or acting like Spike ‘deserves’ Rarity in any way, sexual or not, as that makes it entirely unrepentant.

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Kanye West

Thicc Thighs Connoisseur

@LightningBolt
That’s kinda how I feel when people make every female in Ponyville (and beyond) wet for Big Mac.

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PuffyDearlySmith

Fan of both G4 and G5

-Lyra being obsessed with hands and/or humans
-Twilight sending the Pinkie clones back to the mirror pool was murder
-Spike is Twilight’s slave
-Berry Punch is an alcoholic

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Kiryu-Chan

World's Okayest User

Scootaloo is a disabled, homeless orphan. If it’s not that then she has physically abusive parents. Like Jesus Christ just let the poor girl be happy

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LeoNero

Shine On U Crazy Diamond

Might as well throw in my 2 cents.

Swamp fever is the cause of the Apple Parent’s death.
Applejack and Pinkie Pie are related
Lyra’s obsession with humans/hands
Derpy’s obsession with muffins
The Shining Armor Cadance And Chrysalis love triangle
Starlight or Scootaloo having abusive parents
Pinkamena Diane Pie
Fluttershy And Rainbow dash are gay for eachother
I’m honestly getting sick of Sparity. Really don’t want them to actually be a thing at this point.
Carrot Cake is a cuckhold
Cheerilee is Scootaloo’s mother
What somebody said about earlier that Twilight destroying a bunch of Mirror Pool Pinkie Pie’s is cold blooded murder.

Also, can we stop with the earth ponies are useless and weak thing? It’s insulting.

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EotD

I beat LoZ:BotW!!!

Wrong thread

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Background Pony #4024

Nvm

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EotD

I beat LoZ:BotW!!!

@Background Pony #B2B5
Fuck wrong thread, my bad

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Lord WyrmSpawN

Lingering Wyvern

Twilight will eventually have permanent rainbow power hair.

Oddly, i can’t think of many right now.

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Background Pony #07F9

@Applejack007

I hate slut!Rarity but I love naughty!Flutters. Though I at least try to temper naughty!Flutters with the idea that she only shows this unexpected side to her special somepony.

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Ranch

Dragonball Girlfriends

I see this a lot in fanfiction. Why is it always Derpy who gets stuck with the unwanted pregnancies?

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redsquirrel456

Well gosh, there’s just so many.

-Any of the mane six having a “secret slutty side”
-Fluttershy having the biggest breasts because lol anime
-Derpy and anything and everything involving her and her stupid extended family
-Doctor Whooves and anything related to him
-Pretending Sparity is canon in any form of media across time and space
-Chrysalis, the changelings, and anything that even implies they are loving creatures (but that’s canon now so buck me I guess)
-Lyra being gay for humans
-Celestia and Luna being actual gods
-Every single inter-mane six ship, but that’s mostly because of oversaturation and I’m sick of seeing it
-Blueblood is a rapist/evil pony
-Any of the villains having some kind of tragic backstory
-Starlight having any form of character
-EQG is canon to the MLPverse
-The nobility of Canterlot are actually evil and backstab each other while Celestia ignores it/plays mind games (we have seen the nobles are basically just useless idiot assholes, at worst, and like Fancypants at best)
-Ponies have the same basic nature as humankind and suffer the same kinds of tragic existential crises and perform the same kinds of evil
-Pinkie being actually insane
-Derpy being actually retarded
-Did I mention Derpy already because I hate everything about her
-Fluttercord being canon
-Actually most ships are lazy “because they interacted” deals, so I’m sick of pretty much all of them

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soundtea

Ocellus is best buggo

That old and tired lots of mares and not many stallions crap that’s been a holdover since season 1 when the background distribution was already equalizing by the time late S2 was airing.

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deactivated76e473fd5

-Button’s Mom likes having sex with multiple ponies
-Sci-Twi is insane
-Rainbow Dash is abusive to Scootaloo
-Twilight is a foal fiddler
-Fluttershy is secretly a very “naughty” pony
-Princess Celestia is a tyrant
-Flash Sentry is a waifu thief
-Yandere Fluttershy
-Rarislut
-Harem Braeburn

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lasty

dead to you

-Not a specific headcanon, but I’m not crazy about the “everything means everything!” mentality. “Celestia chuckled at one of Discord’s jokes. Because she’s carrying his offspring as we speak!!!” That sort of thing.

-Any headcanon that puts evil, unrepentant bastards into romantic relationships. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: I don’t wish enslaving despots happiness!

-Any sort of “Equestria has fallen”. Fallout, Fall of, Fall-la-la-la-la, whatever. If it’s got “fall” and “Equestria” in it, it’s, eeeh, probably not for lasty lasterson.

-Sonata Dusk as an innocent who followed Adagio’s wicked plan either out of sisterly love or because she didn’t know what she was doing. It’s sort of cute, but I’m _preeeetty sure that’s not what they were going for.

-Sunset Shimmer misses horse-dongs. I get what they’re going for, but…nah.

-Any kind of “bad girl teen” thing, usually Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle or Flurry Heart.

-Doctor Whooves, because I’ve never seen Doctor Who, so I don’t get any reference more subtle than the scarf or “allons-y”.

-Like, _thiiiiiiis close to all of the ships.

-Cheatdance. Princess of Love, folks. Love. Similarly, the headcanon that she lets Shining Armor get it on with whomever he pleases.

-Everything is terrible or seedy just off-camera.

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Background Pony #0AD3

-Sunset Shimmer misses horse-dongs. I get what they’re going for, but…nah.

I just wish that version of “homesick” Sunset Shimmer hadn’t completely drowned out the ones where she legitimately misses her Equestrian home.

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LightningBolt

Senior Moderator

Undead inside

-Any sort of “Equestria has fallen”. Fallout, Fall of, Fall-la-la-la-la, whatever. If it’s got “fall” and “Equestria” in it, it’s, eeeh, probably not for lasty lasterson.

-Sunset Shimmer misses horse-dongs. I get what they’re going for, but…nah.

-Doctor Whooves, because I’ve never seen Doctor Who, so I don’t get any reference more subtle than the scarf or “allons-y”.

-Cheatdance. Princess of Love, folks. Love. Similarly, the headcanon that she lets Shining Armor get it on with whomever he pleases.

Yes.

@lasty

-Any kind of “bad girl teen” thing, usually Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle or Flurry Heart.

DDDD:

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LeoNero

Shine On U Crazy Diamond

@lasty
I never saw the appeal to Fallout Equestria.

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Background Pony #0D87

@redsquirrel456

-EQG is canon to the MLPverse

That’s not a headcanon.
Plus the franchise is called My Little Pony: Equestria Girls.
Idk where you getting at.

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bye

Hands not Hooves

Reformed Dazzlings.

Nope. Nope. Let them be evil bitches.

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Background Pony #4024

@Background Pony #36A2
“Homesick Shimmer” is the tag for when she misses Equestria because she regrets all the actions she done and wants ot be accepted again.

”homedick Shimmer” is the tag for when the only reasons she misses Equestria is because she misses having a 5ft long horse schlong shoved up her ass.

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Mildgyth

Senior Moderator

Humata, Hukhta, Hvarshta

-Berry Punch is an alcoholic

Scootaloo is a disabled, homeless orphan. If it’s not that then she has physically abusive parents. Like Jesus Christ just let the poor girl be happy

Also, can we stop with the earth ponies are useless and weak thing? It’s insulting.

@redsquirrel456

-Blueblood is a rapist/evil pony

Also, Thunderlane and Pokey, besides him.

-The nobility of Canterlot are actually evil and backstab each other while Celestia ignores it/plays mind games (we have seen the nobles are basically just useless idiot assholes, at worst, and like Fancypants at best)
-Derpy being actually retarded

-Rainbow Dash is abusive to Scootaloo
-Princess Celestia is a tyrant

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LightningBolt

Senior Moderator

Undead inside

@Background Pony #B2B5
On that note, is it a headcanon to say that I’m sick and tired of oversized cocks (and by extension, breasts, and esecially any instance of ‘crotchboobs’ that look anything like human tits) yes blah horse IRL horses have dicks bigger than humans, but relative to THEM they are perfectly fine looking. In pony porn, everyone has three foot cocks to the point where it look absurd. Its not even about realism, just that I find reasonable sizes more aesthetically pleasing, and less painful.

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Mr.Myoozik

Music Connoisseur

A new thread with some familiar faces and I’M not a part of it??? What is wrong with you guys?! (inb4 Nightweaver)
Anyways, there are some that I hate and I’m not gonna post them all at once so I’m doing them one by one:
Fluttershy being suicidal is one I can’t stand for the most part. Just because she’s psychologically damaged from childhood trauma doesn’t mean she’s gonna wear the rope necklace! She has a circle of friends that love and care about her and lately she can stand up for herself for any shit she doesn’t like! That’s not to mention her critter friends that she takes care of and they love her just the same.

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