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Fanfiction » Fanfic Writing General » Post 7619

Fanfiction » Fanfic Writing General » Post 7618

Mr100dragon100
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reformation is the best
i would go for what i have already but i got to figure out how it should go and how to write the action and sounds instead of just describing it
2:
idk about her father owning something though i would have to figure out a very good paying job he can have and show what kind of house they had and what place that shows how well they were doing
but maybe i can say the chef’s cooking (at least what foo he makes) would remind Elizabeth of her mom because she cooked the same type of dish so insulting the food would remind her of her mom but also she knows the chef worked really hard so…ya
as for her asking edward about his past well maybe, i should wait until i add a part where she gets to know his and henry jekyll’s friends maybe they hang out somewhere during the day (so Elizabeth would get to know Jekyll) with one of them and at night they go somewhere fun, maybe a travelling carnival that just happens to pass by.
(and as i research is when they had their start during the 1890s convenient huh?)
and even though they would be in company edward and elizabeth’s bond will grow since they will have fun together and have points of being alone together while playing carnival games

Fanfiction » Fanfic Writing General » Post 7617

Cosmas-the-Explorer
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Explorer in Training
@Mr100dragon100
Yeah that’s a good way to show the boss being cranky or maybe he would underpay her sometimes or make her give make him his own coffee.
@Mr100dragon100
For the pub maybe a close relative like her father owned it, so insulting the pub would be like insulting her father and that is partly why she distanced herself from him.
Also, I think she might be ask Ed briefly but not press too hard. Maybe Ed would be the one to admit.

Fanfiction » Fanfic Writing General » Post 7616

Fanfiction » Fanfic Writing General » Post 7615

Fanfiction » Fanfic Writing General » Post 7614

Fanfiction » Fanfic Writing General » Post 7613

Mr100dragon100
A Really Hyper Artist - 500+ images under their artist tag
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reformation is the best
a quick question
context: elizabeth had a boyfreind before (or at least they were fine with each other and the guy seemed to like the elizabeth but let’s just say, he acts like blueblood) but was too snobbish
i got the idea that the stallion is snobbish and says bad things about the food in the pub similar to zesty gourmand but acts like blueblood when it comes to his interaction with elizabeth but what i wrote ended up being more about the pub than her so, how can i make this character affect Elizabeth and the pub (by how the food and decor looks) equally and show this character as a mix of blueblood and zesty and still be apart of how elizabeth’s life seemed to go down hill?
also should elizabeth ask about edward’s past or should she wait becuse i plan to say that edward only told about how he (and jekyll but idk if he should say anything about him or not?) lived before (he and jekyll were homeless before well they did have a house but it was left abandoned recently and they can’t afford to keep it nice) but not too much about his past yet.
but i don’t want to make it like he does not trust her but he just met her so he as well as the others would not be too sure to tell someone their life unless they have to, in this case, they would have to wait first but her knowing about edward’s and henry (jekyll)’s past will happen in the future of this story so i rather just say that he does not like to say too much due to it being sad for him (and is no lie he does not want to say too much due it being so hard for him (and jekyll) but elizabeth understands

Fanfiction » Fanfic Writing General » Post 7612

Mr100dragon100
A Really Hyper Artist - 500+ images under their artist tag
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reformation is the best
@Cosmas-the-Explorer
maybe i can say about the boss being a bit crabby and edward ask why Elizabeth works for him and elizabteh goes on and explains how she got this job and why
but what should the boss do?
should he do something that shows his crankiness like yelling at someone?
does he say some mumble words or whatever and hyde wonders why he is so crabby?
maybe i can say he talks in a crabby way at a waiter or someone who takes away dishes after the ponies eats the food off them and hyde over hears and asks elizabeth why he is so cranky?

Fanfiction » Fanfic Writing General » Post 7611

Cosmas-the-Explorer
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Explorer in Training
@Mr100dragon100
Maybe he might ask her innocently of some small talk about her past. And then she flat out rejects his offer. Being quite blint.
Maybe events from her past effecting the present could help. And she would be forced to tell him some stuff
Maybe she would trust him to reveal her story to him even if he didnt ask

Fanfiction » Fanfic Writing General » Post 7610

Mr100dragon100
A Really Hyper Artist - 500+ images under their artist tag
An Artist Who Rocks - 100+ images under their artist tag
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reformation is the best
since I’m going to do the writing for the next page soon here is my question
how can the conversation of the female character’s life should come up, i was thinking the male character should ask but i don’t want the idea of “bringing up bad memories” due to someone asking to happen becuse i think it might make the male character look bad so how should i make the conversation about the female character’s past happen without having to use that idea?

Fanfiction » Fanfic Writing General » Post 7609

Fanfiction » Fanfic Writing General » Post 7608

Fanfiction » Fanfic Writing General » Post 7607

Silent_Witness
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Preenhub - We all know what you were up to this evening~
My Little Pony - 1992 Edition
Wallet After Summer Sale -

Trouble with the Trolley
At times, when I’m writing a story, I like to make images of the main characters, both for my own reference, and to share so any readers can get a better picture of what the they look like. This is relevant because at the moment, I’m trying to design a pair of characters, and was looking for a bit of advice.
Essentially, the two characters are spirits worshipped as harvest gods, representing “nourishing soil” and “gentle rains” respectively, and I want their outfits to be evocative of that. The nourishing soil one was pretty easy to figure out, since there are plenty of earthy tones to use, but the gentle rains spirits is a bit harder to figure out. Blue seems like an obvious choice, though I don’t wanna go that route since I used blue for quite a few other characters already, but I’m not sure if grays are the right way to go. Any thoughts?
Posted Report

Fanfiction » Fanfic Writing General » Post 7606

Mr100dragon100
A Really Hyper Artist - 500+ images under their artist tag
An Artist Who Rocks - 100+ images under their artist tag
A Really Classy Artist - 250+ images under their artist tag
Artist -

reformation is the best
@Cosmas-the-Explorer
so i should show them having fun together by them talking together (and showing the action, you know for interest)?
all in one page or i can do those individually until the big talk scene, on the last page before the big date scene i said they had been together for 2 months or almost 3 months and both start to grow fond of each other and hyde is ready to ask her to go out on a date
I’m sorry i just want to make sure i do it right since i can get a direct answer instead of looking it up and getting answers that might not follow what i want or idk, i don’t want this to be cheesy or anything bad so i have to ask questions
Posted Report

Fanfiction » Fanfic Writing General » Post 7605

Cosmas-the-Explorer
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Explorer in Training
@Mr100dragon100
You could show some of those specific days in November and December. And maybe have a montage to ger to the big talk scenes.
I feel like if they will talk for awhile before dating maybe we can get straight to the kiss. It might be seen as padding things out otherwise. But itbwill depend on if the story feels long already or if there is still a short period to go.
To be honest it can be tricky to decide what to do since there is really no right or wrong way. But I think the method I gave might work best.

Fanfiction » Fanfic Writing General » Post 7604

Mr100dragon100
A Really Hyper Artist - 500+ images under their artist tag
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reformation is the best
ya, i want the relationship to develop but not take too long and idk i was thinking of doing her backstory next.
but after that should i just get right to the first date after a montage sequence (as in telling about what they did in the bar (talking, eating, doing hobbies, reading, maybe even going to a park) that kind of stuff)?
or should i do show them doing those fun things as their own pages so i can show the relationship developing and them slowly falling in love?
this happened with in November and December, i think that is plenty of time for them to develop into love but what do you think?
maybe the second choice i could add some fun stuff to it, then i do the first date but should they finally kiss on that date or should it be on a later date?
Posted Report

Fanfiction » Fanfic Writing General » Post 7603

Fanfiction » Fanfic Writing General » Post 7602

Fanfiction » Fanfic Writing General » Post 7601

Mr100dragon100
A Really Hyper Artist - 500+ images under their artist tag
An Artist Who Rocks - 100+ images under their artist tag
A Really Classy Artist - 250+ images under their artist tag
Artist -

reformation is the best
@Cosmas-the-Explorer
well, the point is that more will be revealed about her soon. Still, i can add that even though she’s a prostitute due to her being smart, the job she took and maybe due to what happened to her father she takes health seriously. Hence, the knowledge and class she has is cleanliness (she also came from a middle-class family maybe) but I don’t know if she said she takes care of her health or hyde assumed she would maybe i can save it for the next part because i want the next part to be about Elizabeth, her backstory…so maybe i ask is that, how can i make a good backstory that gives Elizabeth character while still not being too long that people would get bored and want to move on?
Posted Report

Fanfiction » Fanfic Writing General » Post 7600

Cosmas-the-Explorer
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Explorer in Training
also idk what else to add here
I talked with her for a while, and we got to know each other. But when it was time to depart, I had to leave.
i want something more, as in they laughed about something funny.
something more than just that they got to know each other, i added the smiling bit thanks to another commenter.
Maybe add some wit from Elizabeth about Edward being shy? Maybe he would be awkward around her?
Maybe she would have a certain culture and knowledge and class that is appealung.
Posted Report

Fanfiction » Fanfic Writing General » Post 7599

Mr100dragon100
A Really Hyper Artist - 500+ images under their artist tag
An Artist Who Rocks - 100+ images under their artist tag
A Really Classy Artist - 250+ images under their artist tag
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reformation is the best
@Cosmas-the-Explorer
my problem is that i don’t want to come off as mean and i don’t think is necessary to what they said but here is a more updated version
On a cold November night, Edward Hyde and his friends had already left the pub with their bags of new cloaths. They smiled and teased Edward lightly for his encounter with a prostitute mare. Dracula shook his head before the ponies at their playful behaviour, but he also laughed secretly.
Oh, she likes you. Griffin exclaimed cheerfully.
Edward blushed brightly and said: I am not sure about that. In a small voice.
Come on, did she tell you she wanted to see you again? Adam asked, his eyes lighting up with excitement.
Edward stared at the ground. There was a slight quietening in his voice. Yes, she did.
Well, what happened? asked Thomas
Well, said Edward, it happened like this. He took a deep breath and began his story.
Edward thinks back and explains his encounter with the mare at the pub and table where he had his conversation with the unicorn mare.
I was a bit nervous, but I eventually talked to her.
Her name was Elizabeth, and she was 44 years old. However, she looked like she was in her 20s, with long dark hair and a white coat with a small birthmark on her right cheek.
I talked with her for a while, and we got to know each other. But when it was time to depart, I had to leave.
But then she said with a smile on her face.
I had a great time. I would like to see you again.
I was astounded. Likewise, I told Elizabeth that I wanted to see her again too.
We said our goodbyes, and we all left.
So, how was she? Ask Erik with a smile.
She was wonderful. Edward responded with an incredulous tone in his voice.
I’m grateful you had a good time. Said, Matthew
Edward looked down and away with uncertainty and sadness as he said, Yes, I do too.
They all walked back home together, and once there, they all headed to their rooms to set up their clothes.
Edward turned on a lamp at his desk and wondered and thought about his time with Elizabeth. He was sitting in bed with his bags next to him.
Edward, Please do not let your doubt get the best of you.
Jekyll, who shared the same body as Hyde, saw how doubtful Hyde was. So, he wanted to reassure him that
everything was going to be okay.
How can I not be doubtful? I do not desire what happened years ago when I met a mare to occur again.
Edward sadly replied.
But Edward, this is a different mare; she will not be like that one. Elizabeth wants to see you again, said Henry.
She said it so kindly, not seductively. Do you think there is a chance? Edward asked, hopefully.
I am sure there is, Edward, said Jekyll.
Edward looked back at his time with her, and his confidence rose.
I want to see her again; perhaps this will turn out well. Said, Edward.
I am sure it will, said Jekyll reassuring Hyde.
Edward got up and tried to find a place to put his and Henry’s clothes as they lived without a closet or drawer to put clothes on.
i was hoping every day (well night really) so the love can grow but once a week is alright i guess idk
also idk what else to add here
I talked with her for a while, and we got to know each other. But when it was time to depart, I had to leave.
i want something more, as in they laughed about something funny.
something more than just that they got to know each other, i added the smiling bit thanks to another commenter.
but i want to keep info about Elizabeth for later so the readers get to know her more (like the idea that she looks like she’s in her 20s due to wanting to keep healthy) but idk, maybe Elizabeth would explain that she lives in the place she worked or maybe hinting at that because again i want to keep details about her backstory till later
good thing i tried to look for places to correct my wording and have better, excitement to the wording since this takes place in the victorian era i want the words to be more elegant but i hope it’s still ok

Fanfiction » Fanfic Writing General » Post 7598

Cosmas-the-Explorer
Non-Fungible Trixie -
Notoriously Divine Tagger - Consistently uploads images above and beyond the minimum tag requirements. And/or additionally, bringing over the original description from the source if the image has one. Does NOT apply to the uploader adding several to a dozen tags after originally uploading with minimum to bare tagging.

Explorer in Training
@Mr100dragon100
Maybe Elizabeth and Edward would meet once per week?
And maybe your scene needs more lines for your your charavters and less exposition about say the characters teasing him and just actual teasing. Maybe show he stuttered to show his nervousness. Or being hesistant.
Ps I was hoping to respomd earlier.

Fanfiction » Fanfic Writing General » Post 7597

Fanfiction » Fanfic Writing General » Post 7596

Mr100dragon100
A Really Hyper Artist - 500+ images under their artist tag
An Artist Who Rocks - 100+ images under their artist tag
A Really Classy Artist - 250+ images under their artist tag
Artist -

reformation is the best
this is a rough draft of page 1, there could be lots of mistakes and weird stuff so let me show you the story and let me point out things i wanted to convey
It was a cold November night, Edward hyde and his friends had already left the pub, with their bags of new cloaths
hanging on their sides, they were smiling and teasing Edward light-heartedly for his encounter with a prostitute mare, Dracula shook his head at the ponies at their playful behaviour, but secretly laughed as well
“oh~ she likes you,” said Griffin.
Edward blushed “now, I don’t know about that” Said Edward.
“Come on, did she tell you she wanted to see you again?” Adam asked.
Edward looked down “yes she did,” Edward said in a slightly quiet voice
“Well what happened?” said Thomas
“Well,” said Edward “it happened like this”
Edward thinks back and explains his encounter with the mare at the pub and the table where he had his conversation with the unicorn mare.
“I was somewhat nervous, yet I managed to talk to her. Her name was Elizabeth. She is 44 though she looks like she’s in her 20s, long dark hair and a white coat with a small birthmark on her right cheek”
We continued talking for a while, though once it was time for us to leave, I told her I had to leave.
But then she said.
“I had a great time. I would like to see you again.”
I was surprised. I told her that I would like to see her again too
We said our goodbyes and we all left.
“So how was she?” asked Erik.
“She was wonderful,” said Edward
“I’m glad you had a good time,” said Matthew
“yes, me too,” said Edward
They all walked back home, and once there they all headed back to their rooms to set up their clothes.
Edward turned on a lamp at a desk still wondering and thinking about his time with Elizabeth, sitting in bed with his bags next to him.
“Edward please don’t feel doubt,” said Jekyll
Jekyll, though sharing the same body as Hyde, saw how doubtful Hyde was and wanted to reassure him.
“How can I not be doubtful? I don’t want what happened to me years ago when I tried to find a mare,” Edward sadly replied.
“But Edward, this is a different mare, she won’t be like that one. Elizabeth wants to see you again,” said Henry.
“she said it so kindly, not in a seductive way, do you think there could be a chance?” asked Edward.
“I’m sure there is Edward,” said Jekyll
Edward thought about the time he had spent with her, and his confidence grew.
“I do want to see her again, maybe this will turn out well,” said Edward
“I’m sure it will,” said Jekyll reassuring Hyde.
Edward got up and tried to find a place to put his and Henry’s clothes as they didn’t have a closet or drawer to put clothes in.
end page 1
things i wanted to convey
.i wanted to show Edward being shy but i want to find words that show that through next not just by saying he’s shy but with a word that shows the actions instead of telling, you know to make it more interesting
.i want to remove any unnecessary exposition but yet i want to explain what Elizabeth looks like and what happened to hyde in his previous relationship since idk if everybody read the description of the artwork that shows that and i don’t want the story to drag on if i added too much detail about what hyde and Elizabeth were talking about
.i want the conversation to match the time period (the 1890s) like the language and how they interact without making it too modern but not too complicated to read
.i want to make sure i convey hyde being curious about the idea of the relationship working but i want the text to be something well good, you know
so please help me on this because i want this to be the best love story i could do especially making the female character more than just a love interest but without having unnecessary exposition or anything that is unnecessary
also, i want hyde and Elizabeth to see each other, but how many times can it be to visit each other every night so they can hang out or every other day?

Fanfiction » Fanfic Writing General » Post 7595

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