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@EmployeeAMillion  

 
Is there any way to help me with this, other than giving up on the show altogether? A problem with that is that I’ll feel as though I’m missing out on Pinkie Pie, for all of the average of 45 seconds that she appears in episodes these days. Then again, I nearly have an anxiety attack whenever I finish an episode that not only barely has Pinkie Pie, but proves that the show can evolve without her. It’s a double-edged sword, and I’m being stabbed by both ends.

@Tranquil Night  
I’m here for you.  
Please don’t hurt yourself.  
@Rainboom Dash  
I am still here for you.
 
http://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/

soooooooo.. if I had to choose one… should I go to BABScon or Everfree Northwest?
 
I just… I don’t know… BABScon is a month sooner… but… Ugh… I hate researching/planning/traveling
 
Fml… it sucks… why can’t things just be easy… maybe not… toooooo easy…. but not so freaking difficult that I want to kill myself… heh… I have an easy life… yet I’m depressed that it’s too… difficult….
 
Funny…
 

 
I guess…. there’s a fine line between too easy and too difficult….
 
Neither are… good… the problem is I have some of both in my life… I know that life can’t be perfect…. This is a big reason I’m depressed, though… I just have to… accept life as it is… as much as it sucks…
 
Boring… frustrating… pfft… if I kill myself then at least it won’t be frustrating anymore…
 
See… this is why I keep having these thoughts… I’m not really enjoying life and I don’t think I ever will… and… it’s just frustrating… so…
 

 
Well.. I’m going to go work out… hopefully that’ll make me feel better…

Feeling depressed and not knowing what to do about it. I feel like everything is going to shit in my life and it’s due to my own stupidity. I have depression pills but I stopped taking them because of certain side-effects… Those side-effects worsen my depression because part of what makes me depressed is a certain lack of something, so I feel I’m stuck in a catch-22. I also stopped seeing my therapist because even with my insurance, it’s still $77 a week and I just can’t afford that with my budget.
 
Part of me wants to commit suicide and just end what probably should never have happened to begin with, but another part of me wants to live…but also understands how much of life is just one big tease…
 
I’m inexperienced with life…lost and confused on what to do, how to do things, who to trust, what things mean, etc. It’s slowly eating away at me.

God damnit, just when I think I can finally be rid of the torture, Season 8 is officially confirmed. I don’t want the show to continue. I don’t want to continuously see Pinkie Pie fade into non-existence. I don’t want to watch the show go from a simple cartoon about ponies to a full scale battle of unicorn/alicorn power. I don’t want to go back and look at older episodes in a worse light simply because “they were before things got serious”. I don’t want to watch ever newer characters get shilled into the spotlight without deserving it, despite Pinkie Pie being there for years on end and not getting any sort of reward. I don’t want my valid criticism to be met with “you just don’t like change” and “go fuck yourself” from not just bronies, but people who work on the show.
 
And most importantly, I don’t want the show to become a corporate cashgrab, devoid of its original sensibilities and direction. We’ve been down that road before. It’s called SpongeBob. It’s called The Simpsons. It’s called Family Guy. It’s called The Fairly OddParents. Soon enough, it’ll be called My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

I am not feeling good and I cannot tell my parents why. I am feeling overly stressed and I have been having suicidal thoughts lately, but I have not really felt depressed nor anxious. The thing is that I do not want to die. Whatever I do though gives me constant stress though. I have started to cut because I do not know how else to cope because I get so bored of anything else that I do.
 
For my first cut, I cut my wrist and my mother noticed it two days later. I told her that our cat scratched me and she believed me. The wound is now mostly healed.
 
So I instead began to cut my left leg because I always wear long pants and they will not notice it when I have long pants on. Soon, it will be summer and I will have to wear shorts though, so I do not know what to do.
 
My psychiatrist told me that I was dismissed for three months the last time I visited her. I am going to visit her again in two months now. In the two month period, what do I do? I am scared to tell my parents that I cut because I want the knife, but at the same time, I am scared of hurting myself. I want to end my stress but it is surprisingly hard to cut through skin; also, I am scared of death. I have absolutely no idea what I want now.
 
I do not know if I want to tell somebody about the knife, and I do not know how to do it either. My parents will discount what I tell them if I tell them that I am feeling bad or even suicidal because I have told them that I have felt horrible lately and hearing it again will just lessen its effect. If my venlafaxine is causing me to feel stressed, I am physically addicted to it, so that is another issue.
 
I just want my stress to go away.
 
Heh, I cannot believe that I actually clicked the post button.

@Rainboom Dash  
I had this for 8 years. Its not bad, its not good, I just wanted to lay or sleep. I learned to do things without enjoying them. Then I received meds. Long story, because I’m schizophrenic. I have meds for depression too now. Its a bit better with them. I guess. But I still dont know. I just like ponies, I play on internet with my cousin and brother sometimes, I cook, Im listening to music, etc. Plus Im secretly a “brony”. I like mlp, but the other things… Dunno…. uhm what… :D sooo, dont worry, be happy! :D

It’s just like…
 
I don’t care about life anymore… it’s not that it’s bad… I just don’t care
 
Things I enjoy it’s…. weird… I don’t truly enjoy them… it’s like… weird
 
_{I’m sorry for complaining… I’ll stop now}
 
Hopefully this increase in Lexapro will help… heh… it’s only been… 3 days so far…
 
These medicines take forever to start working… sigh

@Rainboom Dash
 
You’re welcome!
 
And yes I’ve gone through, shall we say a number of “dark nights of the soul”; rough grimdark dreams and such which while not pleasant I’m still thankful for seeing as they might help me realize something.

@BarryFromMars  
It’s been on Netflix for like.. over 6 weeks now or so
 
And the first part much sooner than that
 
Thank You… I just watched Tommy Boy oh boy is that a classic… heh… anyway, I’m feeling a little better…

@Rainboom Dash
 
I’ll simply say have a nice day.
 
@EmployeeAMillion
 
I have no idea. I’ve only seen up to S6 Ep 17 thus far, I’ve spread it out due to it showing up on Netflix late and me not wanting to watch it all in a weekend.

@Cirrus Light  
I…I….I….
 
sigh

@Rainboom Dash  
Depends on what it is that happens.
 
Myself, I believe you’ll continue to exist in a state not too dissimilar from this one, but that mortality offers unique experiences that you will never have again in eternity, and that the Catholic belief that suicide sends people to hell is somewhat correct - not because God is cruel to the poor souls in pain and in need of love and comfort, but because they burn with regret that they missed opportunities they will never have again for eternity.
 
Life is a once in eternity chance to shine. Your time to define who you are in something like war stories that you’ll take with you for eternity. Don’t cut yourself out of the glory you have the opportunity to attain. You’ll have these stories to tell for eternity.
 
You don’t need to be rich or famous to tell amazing stories. You just need to stand against great trials and push on with valiance, or even just push on at all. Simply surviving when you don’t want to can be enough to make a hero. You’ll look back on this life for eternity. Do something you can look back on well. “I did well, given my circumstances and mental issues”, at least be able to say.
 

 
I believe that’s how it’ll be pretty strongly. I could go on for paragraphs about either the existential philosophies that support it, or my personal reasons for believing as I do, but they’d do little to really change or mean anything.
 
Even in a strictly physical way, though, life is your time to shine, and to the nihilist or materialist, though I disagree with them, even they would say it’s your one shot at existing. Make it good. Even if that good is just relaxing and not even accomplishing anything huge.

@Cirrus Light  
That’s what tears me apart with the thought of killing myself… I know a lot of people would be sad and I don’t want that to happen… ugh… why do things have to be so…. gah
 
Don’t dream when I die… so?… how is that bad

@Rainboom Dash  
You don’t dream when you die. Something else happens. Everyone argues about it because nobody can prove any of it. Everyone who loves you is devastated because you’re gone forever. And it’s gross. Very disturbing. That’s about it.

@Cirrus Light  
I…um…
 
Unless you lucid dream I don’t see the difference

@Rainboom Dash  
Nope. In one, you rest and dream. In the other, your physical being ceases to exist - decays - and people have killed each-other for millenia over what happens to your consciousness, but physically speaking, you’re gone :p
 
Most depictions of death in fiction make it look like sleep - laying gently with eyes closed or whatnot.
 
Reality is a lot more gruesome. It often isn’t a comfortable position, often wasn’t comfortable or restful, and eyes often aren’t closed, even.

@Cirrus Light  
But… isn’t it essentially the same thing?

@Rainboom Dash  
Death =/= sleep. Don’t think of it like that.

I want to…. sleep forever… wouldn’t that be nice?
 
Of course that would be boring… although life is boring anyway… hmm… not much difference really.. and no pain…
 
When I think about it that way….
 
sigh I really need to stop thinking…

@warc9  
And how do you know I’m not stupid?
 
sigh I guess I’m just…. confused… I don’t even know anymore…

@Rainboom Dash  
You’re not stupid, I never went to one and I’m not stupid.

It’s just… I’m SLOWLY losing interest in MLP and I want to go to a convention while I’m still interested.. I just wish I went MUCH sooner.. but better late than never, I guess
 
I’m just so fucking stupid… Heh… I don’t know why I didn’t go sooner…
 
Meh…

@warc9  
Maybe some H2O, too.  
But not H202.

Try some ginger ale, it will make you feel better