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@Background Pony #6F25
“I strive to sabotage some minimal effort to be part of anything”
TFW i got to say something so people don’t think you’re me.

The body and mind will almost always try to use as little energy as possible. This is efficient for a lifestyle where we just wonder around and eat things when we’re hungry. Sometimes it’s not possible to change until their is a real fire under your ass.

I have had this constant thinking for a long time, basically I strive to sabotage some minimal effort to be part of anything, because I also don’t have a fully developed sense of belonging.
Always imagine joining a certain community or group that I like, Maybe meeting people and doing interesting things would be “cool” & every time I think about it, there’s always a feeling that I shouldn’t do it, Ugly, stupid, wordless incompete relating this feeling gets bigger the more time passes & I can’t help but feel like I waste my time trying.
Also, I don’t think doing this would be a solution, I’m too unsure of myself, I don’t think someone “like me” is easily accepted.

If you think that someone is a credible risk of self-harm, please report them for Rule #n. We can see what else they have been posting on the site, anonymously or not, and, if necessary, can relay their PII to the proper authorities.

In this case the person just seems to be leaving the fandom. They didn’t seem to know what they were getting into.

@KolpSlack
If they were really intent on killing themself why would they announce it here? Just seems like a ploy to get people to notice no offense

@Luca H.
Hey, I might not know you and you don’t know me, but if you’re thinking about ending your own life, please reconsider. There has to be somebody that cares about you and if you’re gone, you could really devastate, if not one, multiple people. If you’re comfortable, you may always talk to me.

@Kicks24Sf
Don’t be an asshole.

@Luca H.
I’ve never even seen you comment on this thread, you just stopped by to casually announce you’re going to kill yourself? Or if not kept it vague enough to where you might come back several hours later and say “oh I meant I was going for a walk” or something like that.

@Luca H.
Come on, if you kill yourself some nice person is going to have to clean up your body. They will throw up and cry, few people will understand your hatred for life.

Just calm down, don’t do it. If you really believe that life is nothing-oblivion, then you’re strong enough to survive. If life means nothing just play it. Go for friendliness and altruism, they never fail.

You can talk to me, Don’t overreact if I don’t respond fast enough, I’m going through sh!t. Suicide is such a waste, people too good for this world commit suicide, while assholes live with no remorse.

@Luca H.
Please don’t go

Please call a hotline, you have people who care about you

Goodbye everyone.

@Background Pony #6F25
My method is just uses my free time, loads of free time to look forward to cheaper and more efficient source of happiness. As long as it remains the environment around you relatively peaceful and can still make a decent amount of ends meet (important money to spend to preserve your life).

Also, Summer sucks, suicide rate is the highest around here.

@Background Pony #7DD0
Yea, I’ll do that, it’s not like I hate it. I guess it’s hard to believe can be someone better, when the rest of the time it’s not like that.
Honestly I didn’t do well.

@KolpSlack
The uncertainty is overwhelming.

God damn it…another one of my friends may have very well just committed suicide…only time will tell at this point to see if it is actually true.

@Background Pony #6F25
High school friends, university friends, are often like this, ok, take a break from it, quit it is even better (only visit for events or delete account, etc).

@Background Pony #7DD0
I guess it’s best to give me a break. The part that sucks is that he’s a friend :/

@Background Pony #6F25
If you happens to pursue Facebook or similar social media about bragging recently, I won’t be surprised, using that and seeing that a lot made my envy burns me from the inside.

When someone has a positive attitude and constantly brags about it, im feel like shit.
The worst thing is that it’s too obvious because you can see it even physically and not feel that you can talk to the other person, you know “I shouldn’t think like that” and similar words, then it will start to compare with me and im will be like imbecile.

“why can’t you be happier and more animated?”, “it’s very easy” and I think “of course not stupid, I feel very bad and I don’t know how to get out of this state.

I mean, good for him but ¿what am I supposed to do with this feeling?.

Life is getting more and more boring every second…

I just watched the whole ATC transcriptions between the control tower, an (F-15?) pilot, and the Alaska Airlines baggage handler during the theft of a Horizon Air Dash Q400 over Seattle-Tacoma area. The way what he was doing during those moments is soooo terrifyingly calm as if he has nothing left to lose in his life anymore. He talks to those guys like they know each other while the people on the control tower maintained their cool and professionalism while talking down a guy who is clearly suicidal.

(also, that barrel roll he did was the ultimate middle finger on his lifelong sorrows…a plane wasn’t meant to do that maneuver being flown by a guy who plays video games, even pilots were impressed!)

Well, today is the fourth anniversary of the great infamous “Sky King”.

I feel that one of, if not the strongest message of Beebo’s story is this: a person can be born and raised in a good family and life, find and marry the love of your life who miraculously loves you back, be physically capable, spiritually strong, have ability to travel, vacation, have the support of family and friends, and most importantly have a naturally positive and loving approach to life - and depression can STILL creep into the mind, take over without all the tell-tale signs that society tells us to be aware of, and bring you to end that good life that so many in this world are desperate to have. Injuries to the mind such as multiple concussions, traumatic events both physically and mentally, are still nowhere near being fully understood. And access to mental health help is everywhere, sure - but we are still working on moving our society past the concept of mental health awareness and into mental health acceptance- where it’s no longer about knowing these issues are out there but we’ve built the awareness into our society’s systems and content to the point that it’s no longer disruptive or detrimental to a person’s life, family, and work to address their mental health. Beebo’s mental health, any treatment or therapy he may or may not have leveraged, may not be known to us as the random public - but his story, to me, continues as proof that depression and other mental health conditions, are impossible to dismiss or be satisfied by the idea that having a good life with loving and supportive family/friends, having a strong spiritual connection to God, and opportunities all around. The brain is a scary thing and we have a lot still to learn about it, and about us as a people.

…

Btw, I drew a ponified version of Beebo as a tribute and memoriam to his glorious yet tragic actions.

Rest In Peace, ya crazy Space Cowboy! 😭

@Elidiotadelaesquina
Your welcome.

Oh, and life has always been tough, the pandemic deliver mixed results, work-from-home is a true bless, while on the other hand, the obvious curse is having to be more cautious going outside.

@Beth
And yet you have a girlfriend, so you can’t be that fucked up. I’ve been single for a decade, and after a significant change to myself, I would say anything before that doesn’t matter anyway, what little it was.
You should probably kick the drugs though, especially if they don’t even help anymore.
Stop looking at the big picture and feeling helpless about it, and try to enact change on a smaller scale–something you can change.
See what you actually have, because it’s more than you might realise–more than what others have, and I’m not talking about third-world shit. Someone loves you. That counts for a lot.
Fingers crossed for Badheart.

I essentially consider myself an “absurd” person, but anyway.

I don’t know to what extent that can influence my state, I guess it does.

Thank you for your comment, It’s been difficult since the pandemic season.

apparently I’ve been being pretty toxic with no point. black pill junkie.

I don’t have a lot of faith in the world. I think evil controls the world. Trying to learn to coexists with evil, I start fetishizing evil. Saying this doesn’t actually mean anything or fix anything though.

I feel alienated because I impulsively scoff at positive ideas with little constructive input.

Someone on twitter says I need to stay off the drugs, but I’m so far into the drugs, I am the drugs. I’m still crazy sober or not.

I don’t think black pill should just refer to socialsexual hiarchy and incels, it should refer to all forms of learned hopelessness. I’ll redefine doomers, without calling myself a supreme gentlemen or shooting up a school ofc.

My gf has actually helped me a lot. I slow my roll around her, and I’m not so dark and negative, i try to protect her with positive ideas even though it’s not in my nature. I don’t want to be an emotional leech, or use someone else as my only reason to live though.

I should try to look for badheart. I just asked a mod about him.

I been doing nothing but watching videos of people getting shot and committing suicide by cop. Leave your guns at home, it’s not worth it.

@Elidiotadelaesquina
Looks like you are getting into a nihilistic state of mind; nothing matters and doing anything is meaningless.

I guess the country’s poverty you are in might be another cause.
Any chance that you could be lucky and skilled enough to get out of it and have more time with pursuing waifu collection.

Well, all I can say for now, I have no rights to cheer depressed people, but I can at least add a glimmer of hope to it.

I feel like a nuisance.
I don’t have a job, I’m not studying, the only friend I have is very far from me & I don’t like to bother him to talk for Discord.
My hobbies are no longer interested in me.
I’m having a hard time motivating myself to do anything.

I work or study all day, I don’t talk to anyone most of the time, I stopped talking with the only friend I used to talk to, it’s hard for me to talk to people, the only thing that makes me happy is a few hours I am free to draw some days if I don’t have an art block.
Everything is very tiring but there is no much that I can do about it.
I just wanted to vent it somewhere.