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Description
“Max,He’s doing this because he knows about us, making love…”
“What!?”
“He learned what happened and he wants to prove a point and… I think he’s also trying to get as much money out of me as he can in case I have… you foals.”
“This is, That’s low I can’t believe Alexand would… That Petty SON OF A BITCH!” You hear a slam against the door followed by the a sliding sound going down the door. You can’t see max’s face anymore and for some reason you fell a lot more lonely, even if he is still there. But it doesn’t matter who is there, you just don’t want to be alone. Not now. It just isn’t fair! but as you think back you realize that life isn’t just picking on you.
“Max?”
“I’m still here Sunny…”
“I feel like I should hate you. You belong to those monsters that think it’s fun to watch ponies kill each other just because they think they are superior. But even when I try I just think I don’t want anypony to suffer.”
“Max, I don’t think I’m going to be around for much longer.”
“Don’t you fucking talk like that! I didn’t tech you to just give up!”
“Maximilian! I’m not going to argue, I just want you to promise me that, when I die you’ll move on.”
“…”
“Max?”
“…”
“MAX!?”
“Sunny days, I…” Maximilian falls silent behind the door.
“Max? You what?..”
“Max, you can’t blame yourself… I’m the one who was foolish. I thought I could lead something of a normal life. Even if it was just for a moment. For a while I even did. You made me feel like a real pony, even if it was only temporary. I should have accepted that I was only property. Max, whatever you do, don’t do anything foolish to Patwrite.”
“I’m not just going to let this stand…” You hear Maximilian get up and storm off.
“Max!? MAX!?”
There is no answer.
—
Feel Free to discuss this post in the comments.
or in the thread here:
https://derpibooru.org/generals/pony-cyoa-discussion-thread
——
To visit the archive go to:
https://www.anonpone.com/entrapment/
——
Next Page:
>>984041
Previous Page:
>>1193535
“What!?”
“He learned what happened and he wants to prove a point and… I think he’s also trying to get as much money out of me as he can in case I have… you foals.”
“This is, That’s low I can’t believe Alexand would… That Petty SON OF A BITCH!” You hear a slam against the door followed by the a sliding sound going down the door. You can’t see max’s face anymore and for some reason you fell a lot more lonely, even if he is still there. But it doesn’t matter who is there, you just don’t want to be alone. Not now. It just isn’t fair! but as you think back you realize that life isn’t just picking on you.
“Max?”
“I’m still here Sunny…”
“I feel like I should hate you. You belong to those monsters that think it’s fun to watch ponies kill each other just because they think they are superior. But even when I try I just think I don’t want anypony to suffer.”
“Max, I don’t think I’m going to be around for much longer.”
“Don’t you fucking talk like that! I didn’t tech you to just give up!”
“Maximilian! I’m not going to argue, I just want you to promise me that, when I die you’ll move on.”
“…”
“Max?”
“…”
“MAX!?”
“Sunny days, I…” Maximilian falls silent behind the door.
“Max? You what?..”
“Max, you can’t blame yourself… I’m the one who was foolish. I thought I could lead something of a normal life. Even if it was just for a moment. For a while I even did. You made me feel like a real pony, even if it was only temporary. I should have accepted that I was only property. Max, whatever you do, don’t do anything foolish to Patwrite.”
“I’m not just going to let this stand…” You hear Maximilian get up and storm off.
“Max!? MAX!?”
There is no answer.
—
Feel Free to discuss this post in the comments.
or in the thread here:
https://derpibooru.org/generals/pony-cyoa-discussion-thread
——
To visit the archive go to:
https://www.anonpone.com/entrapment/
——
Next Page:
>>984041
Previous Page:
>>1193535
You’re right man. This story is pretty shitty, just not for the reasons you’ve given here.
A creature being a herbivore does not mean that they don’t have a capacity for violence. Take real life horses for example, in some parts of the world, people will toss two stallions in a ring with an in heat mare nearby and watch them fight to the death. Now of course most modern societies see this as a cruel and monstrous act, but horses are known to violently beat each other in the wild over petty horse things as well, so this is not merely a human manufactured behavior either. Added to this a level of national pride based on the roman empire and within the setting this kind of blood sport is very plausible.
Now as far as the ways I failed while writing this, (like half a year ago) the main character doesn’t seem to keep a consistent emotion through most scenes, often coming off schizophrenic (likely due to trying to accommodate as many player suggestions as possible, often unnecessarily) Lots of other named characters weren’t given enough time to develop, (likely due to me trying to rush the ending) out of place meta references in the middle of the quest, and dat rushed ending.
Honestly if I really wanted to read back through it or just think a little bit harder, I’m sure that there is a lot more wrong with Entrapment as a narrative, but what’s done is done. Either way, I’m pretty sure that you wouldn’t enjoy any of the other stuff I have written either since the problems you seem to have with this quest are mostly about the tone and disconnect from the cannon show. So at this point, I’m pretty sure nothing I do will please you, but it is interesting to see exactly why someone dislikes my writing and I do know that there are many people who share your sentiments when it comes to the kind of tone I often use.
So yeah, in short, sorry my shit isn’t your kind of thing, and I’m very aware that I suck.
no it isn’t. in the slightest.
here is a factor. she could have torn the door off its hinges long ago. cause she is an earth pony.
not to mention a blodo sport makes no sense. cause blood would horrify them. to a herbivore, blood means danger, means something is going to hurt or kill them.
even then ponies have little tolerance to being wronged like this……… and she also could ahve just torn down the door of her cell whenver she wanted, cause earth pony.
This story is set during the era of the three pony tribes long before the windigos. Therefore there’s nothing yet to unite them. The leaders for each tribe did not trust nor like each other. So this type of story while dark is reasonable for it’s setting.
Edited
largely cause nopony would tolerate this garbage for long. these guys woulda been killed off by celestia or somepony else with REAL poewr long before thsi character ended up here.
besides, all you need to do to deal with them is lead a rebellion. its wannabe game of thrones.
sighs. things like thsi frustrated me completely.