@TheAussieBlue  
Also it wasn’t a knife so much as a small sword.
 
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bowie_knife

You Know What’s Bull****?! Vampires.
 
Don’t get me wrong. Vampires were an awesome concept. An unholy creature of the night that’s dead but remains alive by feeding on the blood of the living? With an unstoppable, immortal villain like that, they need to have a weakness, an Achilles’ heel if you will. But with all of the stories over the generations, there’s been too many ways to kill a vampire, or keep them from killing you. Of course, there’s the classic wooden stake; you drive it through their heart and they die. Then there’s silver; I guess the werewolf curse rubbed off; silver’s not as common with the vampire myth, but suppossedly, it still does the job. Whether a silver bullet or anything made of silver. So if you can stab them with something silver, and something made of wood, then it could probably be made of anything. I don’t know, has anyone ever tested anything else? You can also kill a vampire by severing their head. Now, I don’t know anybody that would survive if their head was cut off. I guess anything that would normally kill a person would also kill a vampire. In fact, in the Dracula novel, the famous count is killed by knives. Fire, that’s another one. If a vampire’s trapped in a fire and burns to ashes, that’s game over. Sunlight, that’s classic. A vampire is as vulnerable as undeveloped film; expose them to sunlight, they’re useless. Then there’s all the religious things: for example, a vampire’s scared away if you show them a crucifix. Or anything that’s shaped like a cross, so it can even happen by accident. Holy water: just because water’s been blessed by a priest they can’t touch it, it burns them. By the way, who cares about Holy water when you can also kill them with regular, plain-*** water? That’s right, running water to be exact: so if they fall in a river or try to take a shower or something, they’re done for. A Bible: they can’t touch that either. The Hawthorne tree can also hurt a vampire because of its connection with the crown of thorns on Jesus Christ. So, that’s the religious stuff. Of course, a vampire is an unholy being so he’s fended off by Holy things; that makes sense at least, but where did the whole garlic thing come from? If you put garlic around your house, consider yourself safe. Vampires won’t go near it! I don’t like asparagus, but you put asparagus in the room, I’m not gonna run away. Wolfbane: another thing that should be reserved for the werewolf: that’s what “wolfbane” means, it’s a werewolf repelant. But, no, it keeps vampires away too. Mirrors: they don’t cast a reflection, that’s fine if you want to recognize them, but sometimes they hate mirrors so much, it’s another way to keep them out. Rice or seeds: this one is just f***ing stupid. Supposedly, if you spread rice or seeds around, they’ll have to stop and count them all. So every vampire’s like the Count from Sesame Street? How dysfunctional can any terror of the night be to have to count things? Also, they have to sleep in their own native soil; that comes from the myth of them having to return to their own grave at night. So they can’t travel far, unless they have their coffin with them, filled with dirt. That’s great. Wanna load up your house with garlic, crucifixes, and wolfbane to keep out vampires? Not necessary, just don’t invite them in. That’s right, a vampire can’t enter your home UNLESS YOU INVITE THEM! Is this suppossed to be a bloodsucking horror, or a sucking pussy? If vampires were real, I wouldn’t even be scared, I’d feel sorry for them. They can’t go out in the day, they have to drink blood, they’re killed by water and sunlight, two things that are as common as common can be, and they have to sleep in a coffin filled with dirt. Might as well be filled with BULL!

Just to make a point, Edward Cullen isn’t a real vampire. Count von Count, Valvatorez, Alucard from Hellsing, Lord DeRosso, Dracula, Myotismon and Graf Michael Sepperin are more of vampires than Edward could ever be. Those seven don’t sparkle! Edward Cullen is a sparkly fairy.

Yeah but shouldn’t you have an image of a vampire up there?

You forgot the fact that they technically can’t enter your home or land without permission, making protection very easy, so long as you just say “You’re not welcomed here, bro!”

@Background Pony
 
Would you believe Pattinson actually HATES Edward?

THAT’S NOT A VAMPIRE, THAT IS A FAG

All true but that is no vampire.

@Background Pony - Ha! Hotel Transylvania finally said what I’ve thought for years.

“Wooden stake through the heart?”  
“Yeah, but who wouldn’t that kill?”

@Rafasilva  
I read it, and they do it by cutting off his head, and sticking a wooden stake through his heart. True Vampires are a lot tougher than you’d think; Vampires are weakened by sunlight, but are still very powerful. Thier only major weaknesses are: holy symbols, fire, and stakes through the heart.
 
Even if you stuck a Vamp’ with a stake, it wouldn’t kill it, only immobilize it. Everything, short of decapatation and fire, only brings it down to human levels of power. Dracula could (and did) walk about in direct sunlight.

Vampires are no longer scary.

Vampires may suck but they make good Necromancers.

@mathprofbrony  
In the original Dracula novel by Bram Stoker, they kill the Count with a knife.

I may be missing a ref but I don’t recall them being weak against knives. It’s the being strong against bullets and such that you have to watch out for.

@Jariko  
Cross’s are religious symbols.

man i hate vampires they suck  
(cue cheap chuckle and thoughts of suicide)

Vampire don’t belong in this world!  
They also like throwing wine glasses for some reason.

And Cross’s

Don’t forget they’re weak against chain whips.

OP is quoting AVGN here. :)
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHEItvqF-tg&feature=plcp

It’s funny because that’s all true. Even the thing about glitter. any granulated substance, really.

but they are VERY good at math

You also have to invite them in, they can’t just enter your house.

Well when you put it that way…